#1
Ive never been the girl who would show sadness

Any sign of weakness I'd hide in my mind

Buw somehow I allowed you to break down the barrier

That my heart so carefully managed to bind



The one time i let myself fall into someones arms of love

I got slapped in the face with regret

and broke more than only my heart

but took all the happiness I once had before we met



It's easier said than done to forget and let the memories die

Believe me if possibilities were endless

I'd erase my memory dry



But since I cant and all I Can do is wish and hope fore closure

I'll sit here writing another tear-filled poem

Maybe the sadness will be transformed and again I'll gain my composure
#2
Ive never been the girl who would show sadness
Any sign of weakness I'd hide in my mind
But somehow I allowed you to break down the barrier
That my heart so carefully managed to bind
I like this part very much. I gotta give you props, very nice.



The one time i let myself fall into someones arms of love
I got slapped in the face with regret
and broke more than only my heart
but took all the happiness I once had before we met
I would have put "more then just my..." because I don't think it really flows. Sorry. Either then that, it's excellent.



It's easier said than done to forget and let the memories die
Believe me if possibilities were endless
I'd erase my memory dry
The only thing I don't like is the use of the word "forget." It adds a little more rhyming then I think you were shooting for. Great otherwise.



But since I cant and all I Can do is wish and hope for closure
I'll sit here writing another tear-filled poem
Maybe the sadness will be transformed and again I'll gain my composure
I really like this part, a real good ending for a wonderful piece of writing.

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All in all i think it is great. I can't wait till you put guitar to it

If you wanna crit mine, they're in my sig.
#3
I hope I'm not being too harsh here...the title of the poem interested me very much, but reading it disappointed me. It seems like you've placed a lot of emphasis on keeping every line with the same amount of beats, and having perfect rhymes...you might try to just freewrite, and then shape it into something after? It's possible to have a song that doesn't rhyme on paper, but with music somehow it maintains a rhythm- although I don't know if your intention was to put music to this. Overall, I felt that the whole thing was kind of trite. Keep writing if you're feeling it though, it seems like you do have feelings about this but they were ill-placed...not utilized to give a fair piece of writing. If it was just an outlet though, I fully understand. I do thoroughly love the title.
#4
yah i loved the title so much I made it my signature on my phone and my vampirefreaks account haha. thank you for your honesty...it was not harsh at all. I do not plan on putting music to this...it is just a poem. and you are right it is just an outlet. I have been tryin to write instead of other methods I used to use for release.

and to your messiah666.. thanks to you, too! I am glad you liked it and I will make those few changes