#1
Maybe you'll like this one better than my other?

My other.

Breath

Sweet sensation at the calm of night,
Bring more and more through the air's cold chill,
With pain of dying, immortal fright,
Piercing flesh, that sanguine liquor will
Flow into heart and mind, you and I.

Glinting metal, stretch the pitch strap round,
Make life hard, breath even harder now,
Can't you see what you've done, my heart's found
The truth of why things are, the one how
Reason I go on, fulfill me, try.

Try, I try.

Burn nothing, make me asphyxiate,
My nature confined, prostrate my mind,
Not able to command, with by great
Duress own not one, but twine, to find,
Complex timidity in the wry.

Certainty was never so harsh, mild,
Brumal side and side, you're so long far,
Doesn't your heart pound with intense, wild
Ardor, thirst and letch for further
Works, more indemnification, lie?

Dust-off
Kiss-off
Big chill
Cold pill

Bump-off
Take out
Put down
Sauerkraut

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The last eight lines are the musical breakdown. Imagine heavy drums and guitar and vocals.
#2
wait...wait...wait...sauerkraut??? did i miss something??? the sauerkraut just struck me as hilarious...

I don't know, it seemed kinda scattered, and not well put together, but i think that's kinda what you were going for. so i'm just not sure about it.....maybe...

still...SAUERKRAUT?!?!?!
Run, Run Farmer. Screaming! Bloody Murder
The daughters of question have been murdered!
Murdered! Murdered!
#4
Yeah, sauerkraut... That's probably Mike Patton's influence coming out in me. Listening to too much Mr. Bungle, Faith No More, Fantomas and things of that nature can do that to ya. Gracias, on the comment.

Edit: @Elimental : Opinion noted.
Last edited by Peeno at Mar 7, 2007,