#1
hey everyone thisss is obviously my first post on here although ive been kinda hanging around reading this site for a while espcially songs so and heres my first attempt at writing a song c4c enjoy i guess

East Coast Heat

We were waking down the beach in our bare feet
Swinging our arms to our favorite beat
Our perfect hands finally meet
Your flawless lips taste o so sweet
In this sacred east coast heat

The only way this day could be better
Would be if it never ever ends
Much like a secret love letter
That the lover never sends
So lets continues this pure splendor.

The salty ocean spray stings your eye
My hug remains a perfect remedy
A remedy you just can’t buy
And in this embrace of mine
Your pretty green eyes begin to dry

We were waking down the beach in our bare feet
Swinging our arms to our favorite beat
Our perfect hands finally meet
Your flawless lips taste o so sweet
In this sacred east coast heat

The end of summer draws nearer and nearer
While I’m sitting on the edge of the pier
My mind grows clearer and clearer
What I have become over this past year
Makes me smile when I stare in the mirror

As the purple sun begins its descent
The waves calm down from the storm
I still wonder where all this time went
And my heart starts to feel warm
But I know the time was well spent.

We were waking down the beach in our bare feet
Swinging our arms to our favorite beat
Our perfect hands finally meet
Your flawless lips taste o so sweet
In this sacred east coast heat
#3
wheres the rhyme scheme? the random rhyming seem to make it not flow.
when im with you, there's nothing I wouldn't do, i just wanna be you're only one. im gasping out of straws, taken aback by what i saw that night before when we were all alone...
#4
COOL. This song is very fitting to your name, RHCP and all and the whole east coast thing. Which i do like by the way. I like what you got going on here, i like the imagery, the warmth, but its just the flow that kinda bothers me. its a bit choppy i think, just gotta clean that up a little bit. on the flipside, this would make a good song i think. nicely done for the first time.

if you wanna take a look at mine:

http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=539927
anybody wanna put anything here just let me know