#1
It's a meeting place.
Where the leaves meet the branch,
I meet you under
its upright stance.
It may not be for business
But underneath the shade,
We can get to work,
And lie where we laid.

Chorus:
Lie where we lay
Take a break to sin
I'd rather spend my day
Wearing your skin

Through the hills and mountains
I trek, and you climb,
To reach the climax,
On top, it stops time.
The view that I see,
Will quickly conquer my pride.
My head, in the clouds
My body, by your side


Hard work breeds sweat
Filth rests underneath my nails.
But that doesn't mean were dirty,
If we stay on the same trail,
Where the leaves are damp
And canopy the wood.
Hard work at our meeting place
But business has been good.
#2
It's a meeting place.
Where the leaves meet the branch,
I meet you under
its upright stance.
It may not be for business
But underneath the shade,
We can get to work,
And lie where we laid.
I love the flow of this, and its not cliche at all. its kinda cute too.

Chorus:
Lie where we lay
Take a break to sin
I'd rather spend my day
Wearing your skin
I like this a lot. great rhymes and i love the inuendo.

Through the hills and mountains
I trek, and you climb,
To reach the climax,
On top, it stops time.
The view that I see,
Will quickly conquer my pride.
My head, in the clouds
My body, by your side
I like the sex metaphors, very creative. great scheme as well again.


Hard work breeds sweat
Filth rests underneath my nails.
But that doesn't mean were dirty,
If we stay on the same trail,
Where the leaves are damp
And canopy the wood.
Hard work at our meeting place
But business has been good.
This was the weakest verse, and wasnt as flowy as the rest. It was kinda confusing to.

Overall, 8.5 outta 10

P.s. Crit mine?
#3
Quote by dhampian
It's a meeting place.
Where the leaves meet the branch,
I meet you under
its upright stance.
It may not be for business
But underneath the shade,
We can get to work,
And lie where we laid.

the flow here is perfect. i love all of this but the 'we can get to work' seems to provoke ideas but then the last line fails to finalize any ideas the reader might have gotten and kind of just leaves everything hanging.

Chorus:
Lie where we lay
Take a break to sin
I'd rather spend my day
Wearing your skin

all this was okay. the rhyme scheme was pretty boring and also the one syllable rhyming was pretty plain. id suggest maybe not worry about rhyming and if you feel you have to try to think of some more creative words descriptions to rhyme with

Through the hills and mountains
I trek, and you climb,
To reach the climax,
On top, it stops time.
The view that I see,
Will quickly conquer my pride.
My head, in the clouds
My body, by your side

i didnt like this part at all. it doesnt stand up to the first stanza and all in all is pretty boring and been said before 100 times. i would work on this

Hard work breeds sweat
Filth rests underneath my nails.
But that doesn't mean were dirty,
If we stay on the same trail,
Where the leaves are damp
And canopy the wood.
Hard work at our meeting place
But business has been good.

love the last line. the ending i think is the best it can be when put up to the rest of the piece, nice work


overall there is definite room for improvement but you have a solid start here
6.5/10

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=540008
heres my new poem if you have time to crit it