#1
Rather short, this one is... I like it, but I want opinions on it. I want to know what to change, etc....

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Anyway, before I get off rambling, and without further adeu:

Raven

I begin to feel
Unknown presences
I shroud myself
In all I can

Plagued
By raven thoughts
My mind is at war…
It’s all in my mind

I break down…
Never to escape…

Death’s swift wings
I hear their call
I twist up now,
“What kind of God are you?!”

Plagued
By raven thoughts
My mind is at war…
It’s all in my mind

I give my soul
To escape my…
Atramentous plight!
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#3
Will do. Thanks for the crit.

Anyone else?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"
#4
oooh, I'm liking it.... it's got that mysterious vague ambiguity about it, something that can allow the reader/listener to link to to some point in their own life... that's good. It flows well, the imagery is dark and great... and I learnt a new word, lol

Crit mine? It's called Pure Soul, Impure. It should still be on the first page on the forum.
#5
why thank you, I'll crit yours for sure.

Anyone else?
Quote by MoogleRancha
It's like Fenriz and J. Read

"I'm so happy to love metal and stuff"

"I AM metal"