#1
Verse:

Tough times they come and go

But lately tough times are the only times I know

When everything I hear and everything I see

It's all just misery

And why can't you just get along

Somethin' happened yeah what went wrong

Every day is full of pain

I can't go on livin' this way

Chorus:

And today I'll make it on my own

I don't need you any more

And today I'll never be the same

Cuz' you took it all away

Verse2:

Every day I contimplate

If I should leave or stay

Theres nothing here for me anymore

I best be on my way....

That's all I got for now give me a crit and maybe a tip to improve it
Crit4Crit
With an irresistible blend of reggae induced hip-hop and catchy pop-punk hooks, Half Chance Heroes captivates audiences with their unique sound and energetic stage show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8bSU0u8uvM
#4

Verse:
Tough times they come and go
But lately tough times are the only times I know
When everything I hear and everything I see
It's all just misery
And why can't you just get along
Somethin' happened yeah what went wrong
Every day is full of pain
I can't go on livin' this way

This verse was written really well. Good flow.
Good word usage. The only thing i saw that
didn't fit was "yeah" in the 6th line. I dont
know the melody so i might be wrong.


Chorus:
And today I'll make it on my own
I don't need you any more
And today I'll never be the same
Cuz' you took it all away

the line "I dont need you any more"
really doesnt work for me. Because in the
rest of the song you used examples and
so this line stands out as being plane.
Besides that i really like it


Verse2:
Every day I contimplate
If I should leave or stay
Theres nothing here for me anymore
I best be on my way....

I say you shoud come up with another
verse thats similar to the first one and
then use this as a bridge. Because this
kind of sums it up and i think you would
get more emotion out of it if it were a bridge




The topic of this song is one that i always find myself second guessing my work
but you nailed it. Good jab mam!!!
Quote by joshjhasarrived
Little does the government suspect that it's funds are being rapidly drained through funding infinite free cardboard boxes to bored teenagers on an internet forum.
#7
your AABBCC rhyme scheme in the first half of hte piece really was weak, and i didn't like it. also the poor grammar of i best is terrible. I didn't like that in the last line at all...

Also your sig. has bad grammar you are saying more than you are girlfriend. soyou shold probably fix that as well
Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face?
#9
It's good, reminds me of Bob Dylan. One thing though is make it so its something only you would or could write, make it original.
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"Idiot"
#10
Thanks for the crit. I really appreciate it. I thought the first verse was great. Simply, yet effective. I liked it. The chorus, I thought was pretty weak. Kind of, um, boring (for lack of a better word). The first line of the chorus is grear, but the other three, whatever. Last verse is short and sweet. Once again, I'm likin' it. Anways, nice job and keep it up, man.