#1
listen

how many drinks do you need
to ignore your sensibility,
act on your feelings for me,
stand too close and kiss me on the cheeks?

the frayed and frazzled color scheme,
drunken philosophies,
the argument over the importance
of wish making
and the promise not to write this piece
to me, all mean nothing

so I kissed you, passive and passionately,
hands grabbing as if at golden rings
though I feel no need to possess your body
the way you do so many things.
it must be my high standards
(you guessed it)
that keep me distant from women
who spend half their lives in shopping centers.

oh well, no matter.

on the couch and front porch
your mouth was an open door
to a world I'm afraid of
and for
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#3
Man those last four lines were killers.

This was solid, as usual man. Although I feel "drunken philosophies" is a tad overused image, it fits nicely here. The oclour scheme line was good though, and the first verse was totally relatable for most.

#4
I really liked the high standards, shopping mall women comparison used as if it were contrast. Pretty much saved those lines.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching

#5
thanks, thanks, thanks. mainly I wanted to see what people thought of it put to music. any comments on that?
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#6
I like the lyrics. As for how you put it to music, I thought you could relate more the riffs to the meaning. Like, mood switchs in the music too, maybe adding a little strumming in some parts (the "so I kissed you" stanza.

I think it would add more of a climax to the piece as a whole.
#7
word, thanks. I do strum differently in that part, I don't know how noticable it is with the way I recorded it. I'll play around with it.
love dead like a crushed fly

for those of you who said you'd be interested in hearing my lyrics put to music- I started work on recording an album, if you get in touch with me pm or otherwise I'd be more than happy to fill you in
#8
I thought it went pretty well man.

I'd agree, a little more strummingon some parts would probably make it a bit more exciting. But it was good man, interestin' stuff.

Could you take a look at the on in my sig and leave a small summin? Cheers if you can
#9
I love the first verse, you really did a good job with setting the mood for the rest of the song. Very creative lyrics, awesome job with this overall