#1
I began on the floor, mentally beat
Sucked on a straw
Sat with my legs outstretched
Where a spiked cola at my heels taunted.

Two sips swallowed and I felt it slide
Rasped my throat
Tricked my mind
Dizzied my motion.

Four A.M., Drunk
I delighted my nuisance and switched on the TV
Laughed at every silly infomercial
Giggled, giggled to the floor.

I’m ending on the floor, mentally beaten
Sucking on the carpet
Sitting with my legs outstretched
With an empty cola bottle at my heels haunting.
#3
A poem?


I like the lines... "Giggled, giggled to the floor"

and...

"Sucking on the carpet." (Very Radiohead like)


Try staying away from rambling an idea. It seems like your stressing the insignificant details too much. IMO, the third verse needs work. The rest is pretty good, but it does ramble a bit in certain places.