#1
My first piece of poetry, here it is(bearing in mind i'm a n00b at poetry ):

Keeping My Eyes Open

____________________________

There's shielded days from weariness
There's consuming days from laziness
Day to day, week from week
An endless struggle: is it black or white?
No room to slip inbetween
A wondrance an unknown kind
No more begging from the blind
I slip away, day to day
"Undesirable with a feeble mind"
"Irreconcilable; freak of nature"
That's what the medication told me.
My head lays puzzled in a swound
I hear words but without a sound
Sick of sight, inject more fight.
Pay attention, stand up straight!
Self-utterances; there is no fate!
I beg to differ from harsh reality
I beg to conform for stability.
Toss and turn
Crash, no burn,
Search and seek
Strong, not weak.
The accounts of untold stories
The acknowledgement of fables
They all spoke, I never waited
There's no illusion in discomfort
My brittle teeth I righteously bare
With colliding passions securely bound
We Never accumulated a softer sound
The reasoning behind my sullen eyes:
I've kept them open so still we stare.


if you want crits returning post the link, with your reply.
#2
I didn't want to crit individual parts because I didn't want to split bits up, so I'll crit it as a whole. I thought it was ery well written. It didn't come across as if you had swallowed a dictionary (as some pieces I've read have), but the vocabulary was sophisticated. At the start I thought the words created a bit of a hazy image, but then it sunk into a flowing piece of writing.
I especially liked the four lines begging at "Toss and turn", I thought they flowed very nicely.
Considering it was your first piece of poetry, well done!