#1
Please crit even if its good or bad,and ill crit yours back
easy to guess what its about.Its a touchy subject i know but er.....Enjoy


I change it around and i think it sounds better...

"Russian Roulette"

Theres something brave,Sitting infront of me
Theres a special way,In which I end this
I cant hear the screams now,I pretend I never could
I dont think im breathing,As the thread is pulled
And back to you....

For the second time,I blink and slowly close my eyes
Get her locked in my head,Her face is the last face I see
My heart starts to race,And I cant stop my hands from shaking
To them its a game,But inside I am breaking
Not this go....

Third time lucky,I just want it to end
And I would give anything,For the monster to come out
That one infront of me,Was once a friend
But we play and he's my enemy,With their mark in his head
Russian Roulette

Dont stop now
Its a game
I'd rather live without
Russian Roulette
Dont stop now
Its an addication
I'd rather live without
Last edited by i_got_novacain at Mar 25, 2007,
#2
i like it this alot. the verses seem like they should ryhme tho. but its good how it is.
i think the first verse and the second verse are the best.. they both flow really well, and i can totally see them working in a song.
the third verse... its okay, but if you could improve the flow a little bit more, i think it would be better.
nice work overall.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#3
Thanks for the crit, i liked it alot ,it would go good with a real heavy song
very dark and disturbing almost, which alot of people like keep it up
My Music
http://www.myspace.com/theocifers
GUITARS:
Gibson ES-335
Gretsch Pro Jet
Guild Acoustic
1958 Harmony Hollowbody Archtop
AMPS & EFFECTS:
Vox Valvetronix AD50VT
Vox V847A Wah Pedal
Electro-Harmonix USA Big Muff
Danelectro Daddy-O
#5
Nice song. Pretty dark lyrics. Cool. I can't think of anything to complain about in it. The only thing I think you should add is a Deer Hunter reference, and it would be practically perfect. Hey, if you have time crit this song of mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=543934
-Fender '52 Reissue Tele
-1964 Kimberly electric
-Jay Turser Jazzbox
-Takamine acoustic
-Dano Hodad
-SuperCrybaby
-Dano Coolcat Chorus
-Big Muff
-Fender Hot Rod Deluxe
Quote by powerhalf
Please forgive what maybe a noob question, but: What is an "FU"?
#6
dude this song is pretty tyte, i think there should be just a tad more rhyming in some parts but i like the flow of it, and what's sp?
#7
I really liked this song, it was great. Not drawn out and not cliched. The only thing I can suggest is possibly rhyming, but you hear the music that is ment for it and we don't really know how it would be so maybe rhyming wouldn't be good. Keep it up, awesome song.
#8
thanks for the crit it seems like a dark song and it flows really well i would suggest rhyming but thats just me and i like rhymes and very original nicely done
ED REED BABY
#10
I like it. It's a dark, storm-clouds-over-the-horizon kind of song and the mood is distinguishable. I would actually try Afro's suggestion of removing any mention of the title in the song and replacing it with an allusion or two.

[W-H-O-R-E-T-I-M-E!!!]Check mine out if you want: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=554702[/W-H-O-R-E-T-I-M-E!!!]
Music is a weapon. Use it wisely.


"So retire the ships, the final voyage was his ..."


Quote by kaktusnpoop (on Norma Jean)
I think they use Botch guitars tuned to drop Botch.
#11
i think its rly good i could never write somethin like that cuz well...i kinda suck at writing lyrics
Quote by SeveralSpecies
How the f*ck are you gonna get a cat to bark?


---------------------------5------8-----7-
----------------5-------------------------
------------------1-3-3-------/6----/5----
-1/3--1-1h3-------------------------------


Matt Freeman>You