#1
You can say it's too repetitive, whatever.

We're simply nostalgic,
Tearing up black and white photographs
To create a plastic mosaic
That resembles what we always hoped for.

I didn't ask for apologies,
I just wanted something tangible.
Synthetic strings and broken hearts
Resemble everything you always hoped for.

Pulling at the laces that run along your back,
Our bodies close together make our love more exact.

For your eyes only,
I'll keep this a secret.

I read your diary from year's ago,
Was that missing page where you kept my photo?
I'm sorry I never apologized,
But did you really want something synthesized?
Who are you to tell me how to die?
I can distinctly remember the day we said goodbye.
I'm sorry you never apologized,
But would I really want something synthesized?

Pulling at the laces that run along your back,
Our bodies so close make our love much more exact.

For your eyes only,
I'll keep this a secret.

I read your diary from year's ago,
Was that missing page where you kept my photo?
I'm sorry I never apologized,
But did you really want something synthesized?
Who are you to tell me how to die?
I can distinctly remember the day we said goodbye.
I'm sorry you never apologized,
But would I really want something synthesized?

We are two spirits suspended in space,
But now I feel alone.
#2
I could say, it's repetitive. Or I could say it's great. Really, retribution, I thought this was an excellent piece. You took a very overused theme (lovers fighting, I'm guessing), and presented it in a very original way. Every line was solid and had an emotional impact. And isn't that what poetry/songs are about? Emotion. Anyways, sorry I really didn't crit anything, but nothing needs to be changed. Nice job and keep it up, man.

Crit mine please
Quill Architect
#3
Quote by themarsvolta
I could say, it's repetitive. Or I could say it's great. Really, retribution, I thought this was an excellent piece. You took a very overused theme (lovers fighting, I'm guessing), and presented it in a very original way. Every line was solid and had an emotional impact. And isn't that what poetry/songs are about? Emotion. Anyways, sorry I really didn't crit anything, but nothing needs to be changed. Nice job and keep it up, man.

Crit mine please
Quill Architect


Basically a spot on analysis... I mean, it's nothing new. haha. I'm glad that the first post wasn't "I don't get it" though, because otherwise I would lose faith in society.

I'll get to yours, thanks for reading.
#4
pretty good, like thema said each line has great emotion, like it