Poll: Is it good
Poll Options
View poll results: Is it good
Awesome
0 0%
Pretty Good
3 11%
Good
1 4%
Ok
2 7%
Decent
1 4%
Bad
5 19%
Sucks
5 19%
tell him not to quit his day job
10 37%
Voters: 27.
#1
A friend of mine made a main verse, and I think it's decent I was just wondering what you guys think.

I can't change what I've done

but I can change what I've become

I don't know how to take back

what I've done to you

I just was so confused

I didn't know what to do

I didn't mean to hurt you

I was just trying to find myself
#4
It is pretty good, but you will get better responses in the songwriting forum..
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^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.
#9
Quote by eltyr18
A friend of mine made a main verse, and I think it's decent I was just wondering what you guys think.

I can't change what I've done

but I can change what I've become

I don't know how to take back

what I've done to you

I just was so confused


I didn't know what to do

I didn't mean to hurt you

I was just trying to find myself

Pretty good, except, you have a whole rhyme scheme going one, but these lines dont? It would flow alot better if it all rhymed. Or you could just ditch rhyming all together. I think the latter would work best.
I'm back, you douchebags.
#12
you have any suggestions I should tell him, like what to change or any ideas on what to change something to.
#13
make it not sound like a nickelback song for one.

use more diverse language.

avoid cliches.
#14
Quote by YourMessiah666
Wrong forum you n00b


that isn't friendly, I mean you were new at some point.

oh wait... nvm
#18
Quote by eltyr18
what rhymes with the word myself, that will go with a song like this?


dried pelts.
#19
Quote by Iamafunguy
that isn't friendly, I mean you were new at some point.

oh wait... nvm


hahaha
[quote="'-[NiL"]-']Here are some great ones.

1. cellomaster=racist

2. cellomaster=homophobic

3. cellomaster=cunt.

'Nuff said, prick.
Quote by 'Raven'
is it a chihuahua? hide it in your pants and pretend its a boner!!!
#20
I fixed the song and I'm going to see if he likes it but here's my version

I can't change what I've done
but I can change what I've become
I can't take back what I've done to you
but I must explain I was confused
I didn't intend to hurt you inside
Just give me a chance to explain why
I just needed a little help
but finally I found myself
#22
Quote by eltyr18
I fixed the song and I'm going to see if he likes it but here's my version

I can't change what I've done
but I can change what I've become
I can't take back what I've done to you
but I must explain I was confused
I didn't intend to hurt you inside
Just give me a chance to explain why
I just needed a little help
but finally I found myself

*cringes* T3h horrid cliches! All of those are fake rhymes and overused...try something else, please. Or just pay some poetry club kid to write for you.
#23
sounds very Linkin parkish
add the word pain 2 more times and some rapping and you've probably got yourself a hit
its pretty cliched but it might work with music
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9_11_4:
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...
I you 9_11_4, you like Chuck, Opeth, and don't mind porn, that = epic metul win.


Quote by webbtje


Ash, stop masturbating.
#24
meh, it's cliche (sp) and mediocre
I shot JR

Oh Canada Our Home and Native Land
#25
9_11_4 gave me an idea on where to put pain

I'm going to change

I didn't intend to hurt you inside
Just give me a chance to explain why
to

I might have caused you pain inside
and I didn't mean to, let me explain why
#26
oh dear.

fit in antler and you'll have a bigger hit.

and try to work fellatio in.

hell, maybe i'll rewrite it for you.
#28
Quote by eltyr18
I fixed the song and I'm going to see if he likes it but here's my version

I can't change what I've done
but I can change what I've become
I can't take back what I've done to you
but I must explain I was confused
I didn't intend to hurt you inside
Just give me a chance to explain why
I just needed a little help
but finally I found myself

I'll strike out all the parts that sound cliche.
#30
Yes we all know it's not the greatest piece of writing but leave it be. If he wants to get crucified he can do it in the S&L forum. I'm just surprised this thread isn't closed. Well hopefully it will be soon.

*reported*
#31
I can't erase what I've wrote
but I can change what I've wraught
I don't know how to take it back
what I've taken from you
I just was so insecure
I didn't know where to turn
I couldnt scale my own wall
I was just looking for the door

wow, rewrote and still not good.

you're just writing about a cliche subject i think

maybe i'll do a comedic revision soon.
#32
Songwriting forum
Populus vult decipi. Decipiatur.

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It's can be a contraction and genitive case.

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