#1
A short poem I wrote called "Pen to paper?, See you later" I may add to it later I don't know depends if you like it or not.

Dear You,
I don't know what to write,
Did I tell you how I lost sight
I lost my ability to pick up your scent
With out these I have no anger to vent

I don't know why I'm writing
In my mind it just brings fighting
I look around at nothing
Trying to inspire something

Pen to paper?
See you later
Last edited by teenage riot at Mar 10, 2007,
#9
ok ill give u a legit critique since u did for me

Dear You,
I don't know what to write,
Did I tell you how I lost sight
I lost my ability to pick up your scent
With out these I have no anger to vent

// - interesting opener - the AABB scheme works well here, but it sounds a little forced. i like the personal voice, however.

I don't know why I'm writing
In my mind it just brings fighting
I look around at nothing
Trying to inspire something

// - i like this stanza - the last 2 lines are my favorite, cuz they make u think. someone else pointed out that this is about writer's block, correct? i think this stanza is great for that.

Pen to paper?
See you later

// - perfect ending - its catchy, nice little slant rhyme couplet. "see you later" sums up the whole poem and wraps it up quite nicely.

keep it up, i like it
#10
I definatly liked this piece.. Even though it sounded forced at some parts.

I liked the ending alot. Really good Ending.

I understand the forced rhymes actually.. And its kind of fitting come to think of it.

If its about writers block your not gonna be at the top of your writing skill so it won't sound as good. Henced the forced rhymings and simple rhyme scheme.

Thats the way i look at it. You should tell people its like that on purpose.

Unless it was.

In which case

Go me!

Good Job
#11
It was all quite forced it was meant to be like I was having to really force these words onto the paper. I might record this but make it arty but some backwards guitar in their might need some collaboration on it though for some other cool instruments.
#13
I was thinking more something by Sonic Youth which isn't overly experimental I just couldn't think of any other word. I shall check that song out though.