#1
(So this is the extremely rare case where I write lyrics about something sad. I imagine this set to a folky Simon & Garfunkel style song. Definately not Emo. Well, here's what I've got so far....)


A setting sun my eyes survey
On clear blue crystals I transfix
I recognize it clear as day
While scanning incandecent optics

In your eyes a story is told
Of civilizations felled to the sea
What terrible power these portals do hold
I pray it be memory... surely it's not me
"There is no greater love than this, that a man would lay down his life for his friend." - Jesus
#2
This is a pretty cool piece you got here. Of course, I think you may need to extend it, maybe add another stanza. But even as it stands right now, I like it. The wording was good, and I thought the flow was excellent. If I may make one suggestion, you probably need to change the title of this piece because "In Your Eyes" is the name of a song by Peter Gabriel. (Which is a very good song). Anyways, great and job and I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

Crit mine please?
Quill Architect

By the way, the quote in your sig is awesome.
#3
Thanks. I'm definately going to make it longer. I'm just having a hard time adding lines that continue the song in the direction I want it to go in. And "In Your Eyes" is just something I slapped on so it'd have a title for now.
"There is no greater love than this, that a man would lay down his life for his friend." - Jesus