#1
Sleep and Rest Are Not the Same

Ayres



Chorus

Sleep and rest are not the same.

My fear, it rests on the window pane.

These places they all feel the same,

Go back to from where you came.

I want to hear your feet tap on the wood floor.



Verse I

Daily constant struggles fill my mind,

As I lay between these sheets.

Rest to me is a little bit more kind.

Will sleep and it ever meet?

I have insomnia of the mind,

For my body sleep silently.

While sleeping, my brains are not in binds,

Tossing and turning violently.



Verse II

Nightmares of the real world,

Taunt me with their clues.

When their presence was unfurled,

Their tricks on me, they'd use.

My dreams, myself I curled,

With intentions so divine.

My sanity has been hurled

Its faults not to be refined.



Chorus



Verse III

Dreamscapes dance around me,

I reach for them all the time.

With them, my thoughts would flee,

And would no longer be mine.

We would have no problems then, would we?

This quandary fills my thoughts.

In the future, we shall see.

Will my heart be in knots?



Chorus x 2



Bridge

Torture is

Your bliss

It may not

Be in your thoughts.

But it's there.


Actual critiques would be much appreciated.
#2
Quote by TontoGoneCrazy
Sleep and Rest Are Not the Same

Ayres



Chorus

Sleep and rest are not the same.

My fear, it rests on the window pane.

These places they all feel the same,

Go back to from where you came. I would not do a A-A-A-A rhyme scheme, it is hard to pull off and this was a very mediocre example.

I want to hear your feet tap on the wood floor. Nice visual here.



Verse I

Daily constant struggles fill my mind,

As I lay between these sheets.

Rest to me is a little bit more kind.

Will sleep and it ever meet? Worded a little akwardly, but it is ok. If you could, I would rework this line, but keep the other 3.

I have insomnia of the mind,

For my body sleep silently. I am lost right here, what is this supposed to mean?

While sleeping, my brains are not in binds, ^^^

Tossing and turning violently.



Verse II

Nightmares of the real world,

Taunt me with their clues. what clues?

When their presence was unfurled,

Their tricks on me, they'd use.

My dreams, myself I curled,

With intentions so divine.

My sanity has been hurled

Its faults not to be refined. Good ideas, but the rhyming was forced and choppy. I would change the rhyme scheme, you over used it.



Chorus



Verse III

Dreamscapes dance around me,

I reach for them all the time.

With them, my thoughts would flee,

And would no longer be mine.

We would have no problems then, would we?

This quandary fills my thoughts.

In the future, we shall see.

Will my heart be in knots? The same thing as the last verse is here, I think the ideas are solid but the rhymes ruin it all for me.



Chorus x 2



Bridge

Torture is

Your bliss

It may not

Be in your thoughts.

But it's there.


Actual critiques would be much appreciated.


The ideas are good, you could expand, but the biggest problem is the rhyming is forced and repeating one sound 4 times gets very old very quick.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=543287 mind critting mine?