#1
Right. I just wrote this instead of doing my homework, and I think it was worth it. "In the City" by the Jam was stuck in my head the whole time, so musically it's very similar to that. It's about my ex, fairly easy to figure out. The lyrics aren't fabulous on their own, but they really fit the song well. I'll try to make a demo for it tomorrow.

I know it would be the coward's way to say I didn't know the rules
And I know it would be the coward's way to write myself off as a fool
And I can't stand that you can't trust me
But there's no reason that you should
Oh, what I wouldn;t give to stand again
Where you and I once stood

And I wrote ten thousand songs about the day you changed your mind
And I drove myself to ruin after treating you unkind
But I'd fuck right off into forever
If you'd put my record on
It's the only way I know to say
I never meant to do you wrong

[Bridge]
How did it ever come to lies and gnashing teeth?
And why is my stomach sick when I try to go to sleep?
And it's been five lonely weeks
Since I've had the tears to weep
And I just wish I could creep out of this town, unnoticed

Well I wrote ten thousand songs about the day you changed your mind
And I left my lyrics sitting on the desk for you to find
And there's much too much that went unsaid
And there's much too much still wrong
But the only thing that I can do
Is pray to God you hear my song
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
#2
Quote by VoodooChild15
Right. I just wrote this instead of doing my homework, and I think it was worth it. "In the City" by the Jam was stuck in my head the whole time, so musically it's very similar to that. It's about my ex, fairly easy to figure out. The lyrics aren't fabulous on their own, but they really fit the song well. I'll try to make a demo for it tomorrow.

I know it would be the coward's way to say I didn't know the rules
And I know it would be the coward's way to write myself off as a fool
And I can't stand that you can't trust me
But there's no reason that you should
Oh, what I wouldn;t give to stand again
Where you and I once stood
solid first stanza, It got my attention. I like the rhymes.

And I wrote ten thousand songs about the day you changed your mind
And I drove myself to ruin after treating you unkind Nice.
But I'd fuck right off into forever
If you'd put my record on
It's the only way I know to say
I never meant to do you wrong Same as the first line, No major errors.

[Bridge]
How did it ever come to lies and gnashing teeth?
And why is my stomach sick when I try to go to sleep? My favorite two lines. Nice job here.
And it's been five lonely weeks
Since I've had the tears to weep I dont like the word weep here, it doesnt fit IMO.
And I just wish I could creep out of this town, unnoticed

Well I wrote ten thousand songs about the day you changed your mind
And I left my lyrics sitting on the desk for you to find
And there's much too much that went unsaid
And there's much too much still wrong
But the only thing that I can do
Is pray to God you hear my song


Great song, a good 8 or 9/10, i wasnt too harsh on form because the actual content was great. nice read!
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=543287 mind critting mine?
#3
Haha i read this before you told me to. I think the refrain with the 10 thousand songs part is really done well, and this song has some pretty good emotion to it. What kind of song is this, or did you not have anything exactly in mind? The bridge part makes me think of country music.
#4
It's got that Jam/Libertines/Clash emotionally-disturbed young British men sort of sound to it, if that makes any sense. I've got all the music and everything written, I just haven't recorded it yet.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
#6
As promised, I did a demo. It's acoustic, but next time the band meets I'll try to do an electric version. I put it in R&R, here's the link to that thread:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=8552076#post8552076

I also changed "Since I had the tears to weep" to "Since I heard your sweet lips speak". I think it fits a little better.
Listen to mah discs.



And coming soon, THE CLEVER DEVILS VS. THE BLONDES.

Vote for me in the
Last edited by VoodooChild15 at Mar 12, 2007,