#1
whats the funniest joke youve heard recently?

i know theres alot of these threads but i havent seen one in a while
#4
Did you hear about the new french tanks? They have 4 gears. 3 that go in reverse and one that goes forward incase the enemy attacks from behind.
#7
why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
so you can see the expression on its face.
#8
"what if you went to the northpole and saw a sign that said...
caution, watch for ice
wouldn't that be funny?"

-Daxflame
R.I.P JIMI

member of the Seinfeld fan club --pm the_experience to join
#9
it's not really a joke, but February at my school was such absolute shit, someone close to me died. another best friend moved away, it was terrible.

anyways, i asked my friend josh, "why has this month been so awful?"
and he said, "stu my friend, it is because it's black history month."
I laughed
#10
Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom. He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs. His father replied that it was the perfect penis. The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his classmates.

''What's that?'' asked Jenny.

''Well,'' said Johnny, ''if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be the perfect penis.'''
I am awesome

I agree with myself

Third Ninja Commander of the UG Society of Ninjas.
#11
Why did the guys from Metallica cut there hair?
Because the hair stylist said it was the only way to get all the matted c*m out of there hair!
A
Distorted
Reality
Is now a
Necessity
to be
Free
- Elliott Smith
Last edited by Dan of Dans at Mar 12, 2007,
#13
Quote by Dan of Dans
Why did the guys from Metallica cut there hair?
Because the hair stylist said it was the only way to get all the matted cum out of there hair!


at least they didn't have to have their stomachs pumped, like you did.
#14
It's racist and everyone should know that I am not at all racist.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Cause the last one that had a dream got shot.
Quote by apocalypse13

Quote by Beckerism
I ain't ghetto foo! I's just keeping it real!

Keep it real man.
Click.
#15
Quote by toxicity33
AssRammer123



Uncle Fuzzy!
Random Metal-X fact:

Metal-X now sponsors: Blood Culprit!


"Ass Fuckingly Loud"

\m/^_^\m/ New Songs Up!!! \m/^_^\m/
#16
ok Never mind i have a better one.

These three guys got together one day and were talking about how drunk they got at a party the night before.

The first guy said, ''''Man I was so drunk last night I went home and blew chunks.''''

The second guy said, ''''Man that was nothing I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I got my DWI.''''

The third guy says, "Man that was nothing. I was so drunk last night I was driving home and I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed.''''

Then the first guy said, ''''No -- you guys don''t understand! Chunks is my dog!"
I am awesome

I agree with myself

Third Ninja Commander of the UG Society of Ninjas.
#17
in health class, one of my friends was doing a review on CPR, so when they brought in the dummy they had to demonstrate the proper procedures for saving someones life. so my friend goes and says "quick he's dying! give him ass to mouth!"
Quote by Scutchington
I like this guy, he's UG's Greek, and he just told your ass in two paragraphs. And I once spent 5 minutes watching his avatar.


A Brain Malfunction

We'll Never Admit As Defeat
#18
Quote by hepzibahbaptist
It's racist and everyone should know that I am not at all racist.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Cause the last one that had a dream got shot.


That doesn't even make sense, or does it even point out a stereo type........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................NOT!
FOR AWESOME HANDWOUND PICKUPS, CONTACT CorduroyEW
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Quote by ratmblink123
Good for you. Have a cookie.


But really... there's no cookie. And if there was, you wouldn't get one.
#19
Quote by CORT noob
That doesn't even make sense, or does it even point out a stereo type........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................NOT!

Whatever noob. Lol
Quote by apocalypse13

Quote by Beckerism
I ain't ghetto foo! I's just keeping it real!

Keep it real man.
Click.
#20
Quote by CORT noob
That doesn't even make sense, or does it even point out a stereo type........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................NOT!

What the hell?
It's talking about Martin Luther King Jr., who was assassinated.
#22
why do all the medicine bottles have cotton swabs above the pills when you open the bottles?


to remind black people that they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers
Quote by Scutchington
I like this guy, he's UG's Greek, and he just told your ass in two paragraphs. And I once spent 5 minutes watching his avatar.


A Brain Malfunction

We'll Never Admit As Defeat
#23
Why did the plane crash into the side of a mountain?

The pilot was a loaf of bread
Quote by Sagdiyev
This man's an anal masturbator, he knows what he's talking about.
#24
Quote by leftybassdude
^Martin luther king, but anyway so this dyslexic guy walks into a bra......

It is actually Jr, btw.
#25
This one is kinda racial but I just heard it.

What do you get when you cross and octopus and a black man?

I dont know, but I bet its pretty good at picking cotton!
Self-Improvement is Masturbation
#26
The Pope's birthday is coming up, and the bishops and cardinals decide that they're going to go all out on this one. Everyone wears their most elaborate hats, busts out their best canes, the whole deal. They throw a huge party in the Sistine Chapel, making sure everything is polished and the place is at its best. The party is a huge success.

Some of the bishops and cardinals are drinking their wine talking to a man interested in becoming a priest. "What must I do to become a priest?" the man asks, and a bishop explains. "It's not too hard, you have to go through a lot of training but if you know your Bible and have faith in God it isn't as hard as it may sound. The hardest part is the vows... you have to take a few lifelong vows that cannot be broken... there's poverty, and chastity..."

The man looks around at the Sistine Chapel, all the bishops and cardinals with their exquisite hats and canes, and exclaims "If this is Poverty, I can't wait to see Chastity!"
#27
Quote by Clownmite
The Pope's birthday is coming up, and the bishops and cardinals decide that they're going to go all out on this one. Everyone wears their most elaborate hats, busts out their best canes, the whole deal. They throw a huge party in the Sistine Chapel, making sure everything is polished and the place is at its best. The party is a huge success.

Some of the bishops and cardinals are drinking their wine talking to a man interested in becoming a priest. "What must I do to become a priest?" the man asks, and a bishop explains. "It's not too hard, you have to go through a lot of training but if you know your Bible and have faith in God it isn't as hard as it may sound. The hardest part is the vows... you have to take a few lifelong vows that cannot be broken... there's poverty, and chastity..."

The man looks around at the Sistine Chapel, all the bishops and cardinals with their exquisite hats and canes, and exclaims "If this is Poverty, I can't wait to see Chastity!"

Lol, Thats funny.
Quote by apocalypse13

Quote by Beckerism
I ain't ghetto foo! I's just keeping it real!

Keep it real man.
Click.
#28
i don't believe in racism, beacause racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

<brought to you from the "jokes you go to hell for" thread>
"Social correctness has traditionally had nothing whatever to do with reason, logic, or physics. In fact, in England it is generally considered socially incorrect to know stuff or think about things."
-Douglas Adams
#29
Quote by mr.joopy987
What the hell?
It's talking about Martin Luther King Jr., who was assassinated.


Yeah, but whoever said black people dont have dreams, they only have nightmares?(besides the guy who just told the joke)
FOR AWESOME HANDWOUND PICKUPS, CONTACT CorduroyEW
BOOBS
Quote by ratmblink123
Good for you. Have a cookie.


But really... there's no cookie. And if there was, you wouldn't get one.
#30
Quote by Prototype4342
i don't believe in racism, beacause racism is a crime, and crime is for black people

<brought to you from the "jokes you go to hell for" thread>

nice. and you're from CO too
#31
Quote by CORT noob
Yeah, but whoever said black people dont have dreams, they only have nightmares?(besides the guy who just told the joke)

You find mine unreasonable but the guy who was talking about the octupus and the black man you dont say anything about. Its just a joke.
Quote by apocalypse13

Quote by Beckerism
I ain't ghetto foo! I's just keeping it real!

Keep it real man.
Click.
#32
i found this joke funny some may not but here it goes

What does DNA stand for ?

National dyslexia assocation.

i tried i thought it was funny
Quote by campbell92
I do hate it though, when I trip and a guy pulls his pants down at the same time and his penis goes inside my mouth.
Last edited by Jim_Dunlop User at Mar 12, 2007,
#33
Ok here's a funny one:

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!!

What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."


***Long Pause***


***Longer Pause***


***Even Longer Pause***


***Still Longer Pause***


Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
#34
@Sick Boy : LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ROFLROFLROFLROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note: Sorry if my grammar and/or vocabulary isn't very good, English is my 2nd language!

Quote by Resiliance
you show me yours and I'll show you mine!


If you're wondering where I've been gone, click here!
#35
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the King's horses and all the King's men said
"That's what you get you fat fucker".
Last edited by chaoticmayhem at Mar 13, 2007,
#37
so this dyslexic guy walks into a bra......

"Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway"

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!!

What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."


***Long Pause***


***Longer Pause***


***Even Longer Pause***


***Still Longer Pause***


Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"


What's the difference between onions and dead babies?

I don't cry when I cut up dead babies.

/from the JYGTHF thread.
yo.

I BELIEVE