#1
watching myself fall into me
as i plant the seeds of misery
and i place them.. for all to view

so as i run again breath of pity wasted
my sad sojourn... my tears gone untasted...

but i can only write so many words
i can only count so many burns
ugly scars that wont go away
hopes and dreams that refuse to stay

-chorus-
deep inside, i just decay
deep inside i've thrown away
everything i could ever be
covered by all these pretty leave

in this room i'm all i see
duct taped soul
superglued dreams
here i stand on dawns behalf
begging god for another chance

-chorus-


please someone let me know if this sucks ass or not
#2
Overall, I'll be quite honest and say it's not doing much for me. It's not very personal, and basically just has a bunch of flowery words saying "I'm getting very introverted and hurting." Some of your lines don't really very well, and the way you split up the sections hurts the flow as well. I'll maybe do a more complete crit later. Sorry, at work.
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#3
I thought it was pretty good my fav was
"watching myself fall into me
as i plant the seeds of misery
and i place them.. for all to view"
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#5
Quote by senthetik


watching myself fall into me
as i plant the seeds of misery
and i place them.. for all to view
right here i think you should put 1 more line, all the others have 4

so as i run again breath of pity wasted
my sad sojourn... my tears gone untasted...

but i can only write so many words
i can only count so many burns
ugly scars that wont go away
hopes and dreams that refuse to stay

-chorus-
deep inside, i just decay
deep inside i've thrown away
everything i could ever be
covered by all these pretty leave
i like the repetition in the 1st 2 lines, the last line doesnt realy fit....
in this room i'm all i see
duct taped soul
superglued dreams
here i stand on dawns behalf
begging god for another chance
this should be only 4 lines, the line you should take out is here i stand on dawns behalf...it doesnt flow, you go from talking about soul and dreams to the dawn
-chorus-


please someone let me know if this sucks ass or not



Crit Mine?? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544519
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Quote by x_themetalfan_x
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