#1
Crit for Crat

Collision Course

I'm drinking up every inch of road
Between the yellow lines and white lies
About why I'm out here on my own
And across the divide I see your face
Spelled out in warning signs
About driving in the state I'm in
So I head for the state lines

And as the pistons in your chest
Pump fire into your eyes
You know that's me in the engine block
Burning away
A little more with every passing mile

I'm drinking up every inch of road
And when we reach the end of these
Yellow lines and white lies
Tell me the truth
Fast and heavy tell me the truth
If I shift into reverse
Could I ever go back?

At this intersection
The lines cross and shatter
Like headlights and bottles
The gears in my legs grind together
My lungs breath out exhaust
From the fire I swallowed down
As I swerve to avoid your face
Spelled out in warning signs

And as the pistons in your chest
Pump fire into your eyes
You know that's me in the engine block
Burning away
A little more with every passing mile
And when the needle hits empty
You know there's nothing left to do
But crash

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary
#2
I think these are some of the best lyrics I've seen on here in a good while. (I'm guessing they're lyrics and not straight-up poetry. If not, I think they should be.) You carried the car/road/engine/piston metaphor through the whole piece really nicely. I thought you had a couple great and unexpected phrases, including:

I'm drinking up every inch of road

Tell me the truth
Fast and heavy tell me the truth

You know there's nothing left to do
But crash


I'll check this again when I have more time and try and find some places for improvement. But my initial response was very positive.

Rock on
#4
I'm drinking up every inch of road


Yeah, that was actually inspired by the Jimmy Eat World song "Night Drive" where he says "Pour us some road/ We'll both drink and drive." Wonderful lyric, that is.

Anyway, thanks for the read. Criticism always appreciate. And yes, they are lyrics I don't post poetry. If it makes a difference in your mind. Some people it does, some it doesn't.

i_got_novacain I'll get to it eventually.

Rock On
Newest Lyrics:
[url="http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=727775[/url"]Pattern Recognition

Short Stories:
Anniversary