#1
I orginally wrote this as a poem, it's about an uncle I had who died of cancer.

My apologies for the first thread, I didn't read the updated rules.


Although I barely knew him,
I knew of his huge heart
The cancer, unexpected,
Tore our lives apart

The Family saw him weekly,
I only saw him once
His skin as pale as the whitest ghosts,
He'd been sick for months

Four days later he was gone,
December twenty-third
The air I breathed in choked me,
No one spoke a word

The service lasted hours,
I paid my final dues
Didn't know how short life was,
Until I learned from you

The life gone from the body,
His soul's in a better place
I wish I'd took the time to read
The features of his face

Now it's two years later
Yet I still can see
All the aspects of my life
A bit more differently
#2
Wow. No Crit really. Great flow. Maybe adding one more word
His skin as pale as the whitest ghosts,
He'd been sick for months <------ HERE
to make it flow more. like maybe hed been so sick for months. Not sure. . . .. anyways great job!


CRIT MINE??? CLICK HERE
People think im insane becuase i am frowning all the time.
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#3
I don't really like this, sorry. I understand that you might still be grieving, but it was too literal. You could spice it up with some more abstract metaphors or something. Sorry.

Edit: But I do like the rhyming scheme, it makes it flow. Crit mine? Links in sig.
#6
i like it, it seems like some parts wouldnt flow, but it all depends on how you play it and sing it.

crit mine if ya can https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544519
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