#1
Hello. Ok usually what I do when I write songs is i come up with something poem-like and later add structure too it. I would like to see what you all think of these short peices I wrote. Thanks. Ill Crit whatever you have.
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The warmth of your heart
Fills me with a passion I can’t understand
Your eyes sting my mind
As I think of the rain

The cold it chills you to the bone
The aches within they burn the soul
My eyes swell
As I think of you

I sink and I fall into the arms of the world
My spirit likes to float
Far from my body
This curse
My Hearse

The beast of life swallows my heart
I am yours
The one you want
I am one as one is I
My life is just an illusion

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I hear the grass sway beneath us,
Perspirations with each swift move
You lay beneath me; I stare into your eyes
They remind me of happier times
Times of distant lands
Times of nature and of the skies
Lives unknown together in peace
These memories, a cloud filling my darkened mind
I stay here until my dying day


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The world I watch is collapsing inside
The pain is too much for me to hide
When I watch the sky move to the east
It feels me with a feeling of life
The stinging silence of hope fills my lungs
And dries my eyes
On my knees where the grass grows and the animals of the jungle roam
I sit like this forever

My mind is wandering and it cannot feel
Somehow detached from life
I feel the sprit ghost whisper to me
All I’ve known has been taken from me
Earth is nothing but an illusion
Our lives nothing but a dream
One man, our destiny
Make me believe
People think im insane becuase i am frowning all the time.
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Member of the Radiohead Fan Club
#2
1 per day 2 per week.

You'll find you get a load more feedback that way.
Filth, pure filth... That's what you are.