#1
started as a song, ended a poem. crit for crit.

Not a day goes by that my thoughts don't race toward you.
I'm regretting coming back and hoping that your heart is breaking too.
Ending it with a "Call me if you wanna fix this, but I'm done."
I sat there listening to the dial tone,
Waiting ,
Wondering,
Not really worrying.
And for a couple days, I thought this might actually be easy
But forgetting is the hard part.
To forget these couple years, that could take a lifetime.
To think that I almost forgot you before i came back.
Theres no easy choices in life, at least not in mine.
So now, I'm erasing you again.
Not because I'm bitter
or because I am mad.
But simply because theres no other way to continue living.
Today I watched your pictures burn, and let the ashes drift away.
I'm praying that from this I'll learn to forget a little quicker.
I know I'll never truley erase you
'cause you've etched yourself into my soul.
You know what ?
Take that too.
I'll start with what's left of me
and rebuild myself a whole.
#2
I think it's great. Can't actually say that I want to change anything
#8
Basically I thought this was great. It flows very well and all the thoughts are in perfect order. You managed to write about a topic that is used very often but still avoided all usual cliches. No complaints, i liked it alot especially the ending. very well put and very relatable. and thanks for the crit.
#9
its great, all the way through. i wish i could give you a better crit, but i have no complaints.

but it does need a title.
"I sorta don't trust anyone who doesn't like Led Zeppelin"
-Jack White
#10
Not a day goes by that my thoughts don't race toward you.
towards or toward? Not sure if it needs an "s" or not. Standard love poem opener imo.
I'm regretting coming back and hoping that your heart is breaking too.
Come on, find a new way to say breaking heart.
Ending it with a "Call me if you wanna fix this, but I'm done."
And a new way to put calls between couples. I like the dialogue here though, provides a good sense of persona.
I sat there listening to the dial tone,
Waiting ,
Wondering,
Not really worrying.
God. Cliche territory, I mean the proper depths. You've had breaking heart and waiting by a phone, really you need to be more original. This has been done millions of times by millions of people. Find a unique way of saying it.
And for a couple days, I thought this might actually be easy
But forgetting is the hard part.
Eh, try and find some more flamboyant vocabularly.
To forget these couple years, that could take a lifetime.
To think that I almost forgot you before i came back.
Theres no easy choices in life, at least not in mine.
These short sentences can be used effectively, but following each other like this destroys flow and makes it tedious to read. Use more complex sentence structures.
So now, I'm erasing you again.
Not because I'm bitter
or because I am mad.
But simply because theres no other way to continue living.
Today I watched your pictures burn, and let the ashes drift away.
Again, too many full stops, too short sentences. Last line again, hugely a cliche.
I'm praying that from this I'll learn to forget a little quicker.
I know I'll never truley erase you
Truly.
'cause you've etched yourself into my soul.
You know what ?
Take that too.
I'll start with what's left of me
and rebuild myself a whole.
Without that last line this is a surprisingly effective and decent ending, I don't think you need the last line to be worded like that. and rebuild myself would probably be enough.

Good ending, but really, most of this was standard, cliche =, wishy washy love poem. Excite me more, find a unique voice. Seen most of this millions of times on this board before.