#1
She thought that this would be her day
Her day to shine and say that she made it
Her wedding day with everyone attending
Friends and family and people she never met
This was to be a joyous occasion
But the groom never showed up
Calls were made and the time slowly passed
A short while later a man entered the chapel
He was not dressed in a tux but he was covered with blood
The blood of the woman’s groom
The husband to be was running late…tried to make the tracks
There is a reason those gates come down
As her world comes tumbling down

They were so proud of their son
He excelled at nearly everything he did
From academics to athletics
And everything in between
He could’ve gotten into any college he wanted
With full ride scholarships for the rest of his life
But like all teenagers he made a few bad decisions
He partied way to hard and way too much
And one night before his graduation
He drank and drank and drank the night away
He passed out on the bathroom floor
And never woke up
He choked to death on his own vomit
And his parent’s world comes tumbling down

I though I would have everything by now
Success and fame and fortune
No more bills and no more debts
A beautiful wife and kids
You know the whole nine yards
But here I am with none of that
I can say I’ve achieved any real success
Not many people know me
And I can barely live paycheck to paycheck
No wife…heck I don’t have a girlfriend
No kids and no prospects for any of that in my future
Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth living
But then again I’ve always been up for proving others wrong
And I know for a fact that unlike most people I know
I will never let my world come tumbling down
Last edited by Goalie Fight at Mar 14, 2007,
#2
Quote by Goalie Fight
She thought that this would be her day
Her day to shine and say that she made it
Her wedding day with everyone attending
Friends and family and people she never met
This was to be a joyous occasion
But the groom never showed up
Calls were made and the time slowly passed
A short while later a man entered the chapel
He was not dressed in a tux but he was covered with blood
The blood of the woman’s groom
The husband to be was running late…tried to make the tracks
There is a reason those gates come down
As her world comes tumbling down
I think this verse could definitly flow better. The beggining is pretty good but I think it gets a little awkward towards the middle.

They were so proud of their son
He excelled at nearly everything he did
From academics to athletics
And everything in between
He could’ve gotten into any college he wanted
With full ride scholarships for the rest of his life
But like all teenagers he made a few bad decisions
He partied way to hard and way too much
And one night before his graduation
He drank and drank and drank the night away
He passed out on the bathroom floor
And never woke up
He choked to death on his own vomit
And his parent’s world comes tumbling down
This verse also has some awkwardness in it. I think you might wanna add some rhyme to the song.

I though I would have everything by now
Success and fame and fortune
No more bills and no more debts
A beautiful wife and kids
You know the whole nine yards
But here I am with none of that
I can say I’ve achieved any real success
Not many people know me
And I can barely live paycheck to paycheck
No wife…heck I don’t have a girlfriend
No kids and no prospects for any of that in my future
Sometimes I wonder if life is even worth living
But then again I’ve always been up for proving others wrong
And I know for a fact that unlike most people I know
I will never let my world come tumbling down
I think the flow is still a little whack, but better. Also I would take out the 'you know' in the 5th line. Things like that could make it flow better in my opinion.

Great concept. You have some awesome ideas, I think you just need to work on the writing. Good job.


cri for crit? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545144
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