#1
Crit 4 crit as usual.

i am a bit confused on title so help me out on it.

just leave the link of ur songs. i hate to search them

Sky is a ceiling ,for all these buildings
It alters color ,for day and night
There’s a fountain built in between
Sealed within coins are hopes and dreams
Around the corner, there’s a box
Dropped in it, are facts and thoughts
Once in day ,he's part of scene
He delivers all, hey, how you’ve been
Every time you measure these roads
You see someone, you've met before
A flashing thought, triggers your brain
Does he still remember your name?
All great conversations, starts with “Hi”
However, before you ignore someone
I think you should say “Good bye”


“Not every stranger can be your friend,
Any friend can become your stranger “
#2
The very last line is so true.
IN/ RAINBOWS
IN RAIN/BOWS
IN RAINBOW/S
IN RAINBOWS/
IN RAIN_BOWS
RA D IOHEA _D
_RAD IO HEA D
#4
I hope you don't mind, but I fixed the commas. Watch out for those little buggers.

Sky is a ceiling, for all these buildings
Because you have 'these buildings', to me, 'the sky' would sound a lot better. That way we know you're refering to the sky as a whole, not just an un-specified piece of sky.
It alters color, for day and night
You should try and avoid vague pronouns, especially at the beginning of a stanza. I'd change this to a participle and just erase the subject. It flows a bit more in my opinion, and deletes the pronoun. Just throwing this out there, is 'for' necessary? You have a comma there so I'd assume you need a pause right there, the only way I can think to make it a natural pause would be to take out for and just have 'Altering (If you went with my other suggestion.) color, day and night.' You have the pause you want and the message is still there.
There’s a fountain built in between
Avoid using 'there is'. It's just really unecessary. Whatever your predicate noun is, (In this case, fountain.) get rid of 'there is' and use it as the subject. This adds emphasis where you want it and gives you the chance to use a better verb than 'is' and create more imagery.
Sealed within coins are hopes and dreams
Around the corner, there’s a box
Like right here, the same thing. You could say 'a box lies'/ 'lies a box' or some other nifty verb to give it more action and keep us intrigued.
Dropped in it, are facts and thoughts
Once in day, he's part of scene
He delivers all, hey, how you’ve been
Every time you measure these roads
You see someone, you've met before
A flashing thought, triggers your brain
Already used thought. Try to avoid repeating words. It may get a bit tiresome.
Does he still remember your name?
All great conversations, starts with “Hi”
However, before you ignore someone
I think you should say “Good bye”

“Not every stranger can be your friend,
Any friend can become your stranger “

I love the ending. It made the whole thing for me.

Overall, this is awesome. I hope this helps at least a tad bit. Keep up the great work.


CRIT4CRIT, please? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545194 Thanks.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
Last edited by nerk13 at Mar 14, 2007,
#5
actually i am a new writer .but your crit really helped me. i will keep in mind everything you said while writing future pieces. thnx alot ..
Hi
#6
I hate to bother you, but would you mind taking a look at mine? I'd appreciate it.
Cause I love feelin' dirty
And I love feelin' cheap
And I love it when you hurt me
So drive those staples deep
#8
well here's an edited version


The Sky is ceiling ,for all these buildings
It alters color ,for day and night
drinking fountain built in between
Sealed within coins are hopes and dreams
Around the corner, lies a box
Dropped in it, are facts and thoughts
Once in day ,he's part of scene
He delivers all, hey, how you’ve been
Every time you measure these roads
You see someone, you've met before
A sparkling sensation, flashes your brain
Does he still remember your name?
All great conversations, starts with “Hi”
However, before you ignore someone
I think you should say “Good bye”

“Not every stranger can be your friend,
Any friend can become your stranger “
Hi