#1
Just something i threw together. obviously not the best but i'd still like some feedback, thanks. C4C.

Nine months down the drain
Many more to follow
Every day causes my mind pain
Causes me such sorrow
And yet I stay, I can't be sane
Maybe I'll leave tomorrow
We both know it's just a game
That this love is hallow

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Getting us through, lasting forever

How'd we get so off the track?
Forgotten about how rough
This can be, I deserve each smack
I admit, I'm not that tough
So much time spent holding back
Tears that drown love
Months spent fearing an attack
Plainly not enough

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Last a lifetime, and love forever

So we'll be stuck for more time
And hate it all
We'd both like to turn and resign
Step and face the fall
But it's not that easy a decline
Gotta walk before we crawl
In the end, maybe we can shine
And at the end we'll recall

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Getting us through, lasting forever

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Last a lifetime, and love forever


hope you enjoyed it.
#2
Quote by tcen32
Just something i threw together. obviously not the best but i'd still like some feedback, thanks. C4C.

Nine months down the drain
Many more to follow
Every day causes my mind pain
Causes me such sorrow
And yet I stay, I can't be sane
Maybe I'll leave tomorrow
We both know it's just a game
That this love is hallow
a failing relationship, i like. but did you mean this love is shallow? and i don't really like the "its just a game" line. it seems that everyone that line in sometime or another.

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Getting us through, lasting forever
very well put...i like how it perfectly sums up staying with someone just because of the past happiness you once had with them.

How'd we get so off the track?
Forgotten about how rough
This can be, I deserve each smack
I admit, I'm not that tough
So much time spent holding back
Tears that drown love
Months spent fearing an attack
Plainly not enough
i like this other than the "months spent fearing an attack." it just seemed out of place.

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Last a lifetime, and love forever

So we'll be stuck for more time
And hate it all
We'd both like to turn and resign
Step and face the fall
But it's not that easy a decline
Gotta walk before we crawl
In the end, maybe we can shine
And at the end we'll recall
i don't like the use of "resign" but other than that this is pretty good despite the "maybe we can shine" line...it just seemed forced.

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Getting us through, lasting forever

Memories
Of me and you laughing together
Memories
Last a lifetime, and love forever


hope you enjoyed it.


despite my complaints i thought this was well written and relatable. it would make for a really good acoustic type song.

crit mine?
http://ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544686