#1
the general flow of this song might be hard to get while reading but trust me, it works.


these bags under my eyes reveal
more than you'll ever know
the dirty clothes in the side of the room are stacked
up to the window

and i dont what to do about this
problem of mine
i'll put the solution off another day and
everything will just be fine

(chorus)
I don't know where i'm goin but when i arrive i swear
I'll call you When I get there

I'll call you when I get there


there's only a few people
who help me get by
without them i dont even think that
i could even try

but i feel ok and i'm not upset
because i am not alone
i have no reason to complain
and i'd never cast the first stone

I don't know where i'm goin but when i arrive i swear
I'll call you When I get there

I'll call you when I get there

(repeat chorus)
"I sorta don't trust anyone who doesn't like Led Zeppelin"
-Jack White
#2
i think your rhyming seems a little forced . the words feel like you put them there to rhyme, not because they were the best word choice . i think you should go back and try to edit out some of the words . it doesnt always have to rhyme as long as it flows . if you get a chance could you crit mine ? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=545148 thanks bro . keep it up
#3
Seems good to me. I am not very good at finding flaws in things so I wouldn't be the best person to give some constructive criticism. Just keep doing your thing.
#4
and i dont what to do about this-->i don't know what to do maybe
problem of mine
i'll put the solution off another day and
everything will just be fine---------------------->sort of a cliche

try i 'll put solution for another day and everything will be fine




this sounds a bit odd just rephrase the lines better



there's only a few people------------->a means single few mean more then 1
who help me get by
without them i dont even think that
i could even try


overall 7/10 there are few grammatical errors and some of the lines are awkardly phrased

hope this helps


-Andy
Hi
#5
Not bad, I could definetely see this as a light rock song. The only thing that I can see right now, is that it's short. If you could fit another verse or two in there, it would do wonders. Other than that, not bad.