#1
You know, I hear a lot of songs about break ups, love, and sex…. And drinking… so here is a song that I wrote after I had been drinking and after I had loved… but it has nothing to do with anything really, it is about only what it says (there is no deeper meaning)… so I appreciate any crits and as always crit4crit…


The Green

(talking, not singing)
So, I was sittin on my couch when this pretty little thing came through the front door….
You know, the kind of pretty that makes a man cross his legs…..
So about the time she sat down I picked up the old 6 string to hide my admiration…
Then she started speaking with the voice of an angel….
And when she spoke, her words were music to def ears

(singing melodically)
stinging words of verbal poisons
I don’t want to hear your beautiful
But you know that I think you are beautiful

(talking, not singing)
I watched intently as she failed to notice me….
She chit chatted amongst her friends while sippin on a bottle….
So I rolled up a doobie….
About the time I finished rolling our entertainment, she turned to me….
And when she spoke, her words pierced def ears

(Singing melodically)
Lungs burning with such desire
To feel euphoric with grass and fire
Does it help that what you have is beautiful

(continue singing)
So I know you only want me
When I can offer you green
You can take my money
And buy all kinds of things
As long as you’re here,
With me in my dreams

************************************************************************************************************************************************ I know its kind of a weird song but like I said I got drunk and wrote it…. It seems to be pretty popular with my friends, both verses have a simple chord progression and the chorus has bar chords (kind of a punk rock feel to the chorus) and it seems to really work… anyways, let me know what ya’ll think, thanks in advance for the crits…
#2
i like it that you combine singing and talking, it's a nice extra.
the text is cool and true, like you said "it is about only what it says"

this part is my favorite:
"Lungs burning with such desire
To feel euphoric with grass and fire"

nicely done, with the grass and fire as your doobie.

good job

if you want; you can rate some of mine:
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544812

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544279
thnx