#1
Ok People....This is My First "Heavy" type Rock Song here
And Yes This Got Locked out Before
The Chorus is Of Course, Yelled.
And Yeah, Crit4crit



Here is the time to become what you are
Here is the time to hurt nothing but me
When you see me Walking down
Better become something more than now

[Chorus::]
SOMEBODY PRAY FOR ME
THIS IS MORE THAN I COULD SAY
MAKE LOVE LOOK LIKE PAIN
SOMBODY TAKE THIS AWAY
AND KEEP ME FROM FADEING
QUIT LEADING ME ON
AND TELL ME WHY IT’S THIS WAY
SOMEONE
KEEP ME FROM COMING DOWN

We’ll, find way to keep me high
Look for the ways to keep you shy
Keep one hand on your mouth
The other from Shame
Trust the things I say is true
Become Something More than You

[Chorus]

Speak about anything
Tell more lies than truth
Knowing more than you do
Spending more life on the edge
Making things look more bad than now
There’s no one to see you falling down

[Chorus]
#3
Quote by *Thundernation*

Here is the time to become what you are
Here is the time to hurt nothing but me
When you see me walking down
Better become something more than now

I like this, it's nice. Perhaps get some sort of rhyming scheme? I think that would perhaps make it better.

[Chorus::]
SOMEBODY PRAY FOR ME
THIS IS MORE THAN I COULD SAY
MAKE LOVE LOOK LIKE PAIN
SOMBODY TAKE THIS AWAY
AND KEEP ME FROM FADEING
QUIT LEADING ME ON
AND TELL ME WHY IT’S THIS WAY
SOMEONE
KEEP ME FROM COMING DOWN

I like this too, it works, and has a nice rhyming scheme.

We’ll find a way to keep me high
Look for the ways to keep you shy
Keep one hand on your mouth
The other from Shame
Trust the things I say is true
Become Something More than You

I've made a little change to the structure of the first line. I think that's what you meant, not sure. Other than that, good.

[Chorus]

Speak about anything
Tell more lies than truth
Knowing more than you do
Spending more life on the edge
Making things look more bad than now
There’s no one to see you falling down

I like this too . I like the metaphor at the end (I guess it's not really a literal falling down, more a mental thing...). I'm not sure if the line length works though...

[Chorus]


I really like this piece, and with decent music, it'd be a great song. For the last chorus, I have a quick suggestion.


SOMEBODY PRAY FOR ME
THIS IS MORE THAN I COULD SAY
MAKE LOVE LOOK LIKE PAIN
SOMBODY TAKE THIS AWAY
AND KEEP ME FROM FADEING
QUIT LEADING ME ON
AND TELL ME WHY IT’S THIS WAY
SOMEONE
KEEP ME FROM COMING DOWN
SOMEBODY PRAY FOR ME
THIS IS MORE THAN I COULD SAY
MAKE LOVE LOOK LIKE PAIN
SOMBODY TAKE THIS AWAY
AND KEEP ME FROM FADEING
QUIT LEADING ME ON
AND TELL ME WHY IT’S THIS WAY
SOMEONE
KEEP ME FROM COMING DOWN
QUIT LEADING ME ON
AND TELL ME WHY IT’S THIS WAY
SOMEONE
KEEP ME FROM COMING DOWN


I was thinking something like that. Really good though! Crit mine perhaps? Links in sig...