#1
Rap song, I had a better song but it was controversial so I'll put it up some other day, but for now here is an older one I made.


why we always waiting
for everything in time to turn
people seem concerned
but its nothing they had learned, or could
motha f*ckin' care about
showin love that i earned
a sound that i heard, blasted over
a loud speaker in to both ears
and over the years i took it
now its deformed and evolved
to the extent that i allowed
i picked it up and created it
slowly to fall
like the leaves of autumn

yea, yea they all fall down
cover the ground
hues of yellow red orange and brown
they blow about
tossed and turned around
directions unknown
but most of all
down, down, down

feeling nothing for what i formerly cared
and evened up the choices for what i paid my fare
only then would i provide guidance for the despaired
and then in turn use my techniques to get em repaired
unaware of what was coming around the river bend
time will tell if your wounds will heal and mend
but its ok to stay broken when you run against the grain
at least you gave it your best sadly, you earned the pain
and i refrain

yea, yea they all fall down
cover the ground
hues of yellow red orange and brown
they blow about
tossed and turned around
directions unknown
but most of all
down, down, down
#2
why we always waiting
for everything in time to turn
people seem concerned
but its nothing they had learned, or could
motha f*ckin' care about
showin love that i earned
a sound that i heard, blasted over
a loud speaker in to both ears
and over the years i took it
now its deformed and evolved
to the extent that i allowed
i picked it up and created it
slowly to fall
like the leaves of autumn
The only thing I don't like here is that the first line is not in the rhyme scheme. That sorta messes up the flow, but other than that, it's good.


yea, yea they all fall down
cover the ground
hues of yellow red orange and brown
they blow about
tossed and turned around
directions unknown
but most of all
down, down, down
Nice, a very nice chorus. Great imagery.


feeling nothing for what i formerly cared
and evened up the choices for what i paid my fare
only then would i provide guidance for the despaired
and then in turn use my techniques to get em repaired
unaware of what was coming around the river bend
time will tell if your wounds will heal and mend
but its ok to stay broken when you run against the grain
at least you gave it your best sadly, you earned the pain
and i refrain
I like it man. Very good. I don't see any real flaws worth pointing out. Good stuff mate.


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All in all i think it is very good, the vocabulary is excellent, and the rhyme scheme is quite good, a bit sketchy in spots but it works.
Keep up the good work man
If you're ever starved for time, check out my rap. It's in the sig