#1
This is another song off of our sophmore album we're working on thanks for any comments you post. crit for crit


Julie wakes up first day monday morning
She's so happy she feels like she is dreaming
She had a date with Hank on saturday night
For the first time ever everythings alright

Julie's so happy she feels like she's in love
She thinks that Hanks an angel sent from up above
She never thought she could fall for a guy so fast
But teenage love it doesn't last

She walks through the halls to go find her new guy
She see's him with another girl who kisses him goodbye
And as she see's this her heart it breaks
Julie wonders how much more she can take

She walks up to Hank and all she asks is why
And as he answers tears fall from her eyes
He says he can't have one girl he needs at least six or more
Julie runs out the door
#2
Quote by COA
This is another song off of our sophmore album we're working on thanks for any comments you post. crit for crit


Julie wakes up first day monday morning
She's so happy she feels like she is dreaming
She had a date with Hank on saturday night
For the first time ever everythings alright
hmm i don't usually like when songs are written in the third person point of view but it works well with this...sort of telling a story through a song which can sometimes turn out well.

Julie's so happy she feels like she's in love
She thinks that Hanks an angel sent from up above
She never thought she could fall for a guy so fast
But teenage love it doesn't last
the second line here seems cheesy but its okay since its her thoughts. i like the last two lines. very simple and very true.

She walks through the halls to go find her new guy
She see's him with another girl who kisses him goodbye
And as she see's this her heart it breaks
Julie wonders how much more she can take
the first line confused me at first because i didn't know if you meant that her love with hank didn't last and now she is going to find a new guy...but i see what you meant now. this part keeps me interested and develops the story.

She walks up to Hank and all she asks is why
And as he answers tears fall from her eyes
He says he can't have one girl he needs at least six or more
Julie runs out the door
I really like this until the last line...it just seems to abrupt as an ending. but i found the third line quite funny.


i thought this was pretty good overall for this sort of style. the only thing i would suggest is maybe making it longer at the end.

crit mine?
https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=544686