#1
I know there are spelling mistakes,but just ignore them for now.Its not really serious just a way to pass the time in school.so crit if you want.


New-Raver-

Julian stared at the ground as he walked home.He still had that taste in his mouth.His hair was messy,his shirt was faded,his jeans were riped,and his Converse had illuminous paint splashed on them.Julian liked them better that way,made him feel like he'd been around.
He could remember everything that had happened the night before,but if anyone would have asked him he would say he was to wasted to remember,this made him feel like he'd seen it all before.
The cut on his right arm was still stinging.The white tissue which was round his arm to stop the bleeding was soaked in blood,it didnt hurt that bad but Julian liked the look of the bloody tissue,made him feel tough.Julian never taught he was tough until last night,he never taught he could take on so much until last night,and he never taught he could find himself in a situation like this.With problems like this,until last night.
When he reached his street,instead of going home to his so-called "parents",he walked straight to school,everyone taught he was a hero in school,noone taught that at home.He had already missed the first two classes,so he decided he would go in for the next one and leave at lunch,maybe.So Julian crossed the road,and headed for is school.He thaught of last night,that was all he could think of.He wanted more,he taught he needed more.
A stabbing pain hit Julians right side just underneath his chest and he couldnt breath.he stumbled over to the wall,and sat down.He knew what he had done,he knew what they had done,and all he thaught about was that taste in his mouth,the illumionous paint on his Converse,and the bullet hole through his stomach.Last night was worth it.
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#2
That was good. Extend it? I like the luminous paint etc, but I'd like to see more, cause you've left it at too much of a cliffhanger, in my opinion. Could you reformat it, so that there are spaces after each full stop? It'll make it much easier to read. Crit any of mine (links in sig)?
#5
this is the second part,just wrote it
sorry about the spellings


As Julian drifted in and out of contiousness(sp?)on the side of the street,he taught back to last night.
'Hurry the **** up you muppet!'Daryl shouted in a drunken slurr from the car,which was parked outside the shop.Julian stumbled out with Cas in his arms,trying to put her in the car.'Shes out of it mate.we'll leave her home and then go'Julian said as he put her in the backseat with Amie,who was too busy with Jamie to help.'You takin' the piss man,her house is hours away,were taking her with us,she'll be grand once we get there,wont ya Cas?Julian ignored Daryl and got in the front seat beside him.He watched his reflection in the car window against the buildings and lights of the city.He sat in silence while the rest of them shouted and messed about.Julian could see the lights of the city fading as they took the first exit out of London.They drove for around ten minutes until they got there.'Right were here,lets go'Daryl said checking his phone as he got out of the car.'And what 'bout her then?'Julian said looking over at Cas who lay knocked out in the backseat.'Ah **** it J we'll leave her here.Julian got out of the car and faced Daryl'leave her here!? you want to ****ing leave her in the middle of ****ing nowhere while we go to a ****ing rich kids party!?
'Well what else are we supposed to do with her!Im not the ****ing one that got her in this state anyway!'
'Oi,relax you too,shes fine'Jamie said coming infront of Julian and Daryl,pointing at Cas,and going to get her out of the car.
'She can't even stand'Julian sighed
'Sure she-'
'I'll look after her while you piss heads go alright'Amie interupted 'i'll look after her when were in there,shes safe with her best mate anyway not a bunch of wankers like you,now come on we goin' or not?'
They all followed her as she stumbled in with Cas.As soon as they went in Julian regreted it.
The lights blinded him.The noise deafend him.The people intimidated him.
He followed Daryl,Jamie,Amie And a half-awake Cas deeper into the crowd.He heard Daryl shout something at him but couldn't make out what it was.
A gang of stoners came over to Daryl.Julian guessed they were the ones who had invited them,One of them walked up to Julian 'oi,posh boy,you ready for the time of your life'He said handing Julian three pills with stars on them.Julian,without answering,swallowed all three whole.He would have the time of his life,But he wasnt ready for it.
Last edited by i_got_novacain at Mar 17, 2007,