#1
I'm not all together happy with this. I think it's needs some editing but I wanted to post it and get some opinions before I did. It kinda hits home so I'd like some good crits, and I'll do my best to crit everybody back. Crit for crit.

Verse 1
Rock star Johnny can’t even roll out of bed
For Nadine’s big money country time spread
Hair of the dog hangover runs in his head
Binge drinkin’ asshole with cheeks turning red
Drop-top Corvette in the gravel pit driveway
Burnin’ rubber up and down the night highway
A cocaine swillin’ drug dealer on slow play
Law mindin’ trigger king only after a payday

Pre-Chorus
Redneck vendetta after a shotgun wedding
Follows suit right behind the bar room bash
Take bets looking for his name in the paper
His hillbilly mafia will collect the cash

Chorus
White trash glam rock
Beer-battered wife
White trash glam rock
Glass shattered life

Verse 2
Motley Crue make-up on a Lynyrd Skynyrd face
Glitter Rock rebel seems a little out of place
Johnny tries to cover up all his dirty space
Just to keep Bluefield’s finest off his case
He feeds the piggies their slop to stay clean
Nature Boy robe gives shit its glamour sheen
But underneath it all Johnny’s still mean
And he takes everything out on poor Nadine

Pre-Chorus
Chalk up another one for the King of Beers
Take a little sip Johnny this Bud’s for you
Chug enough liquid courage to forget it all
There’s just no telling what Johnny will do

Chorus
White trash glam rock
Beer-battered wife
White trash glam rock
Glass shattered life

Bridge
Singin’ in the shower
Cryin’ in the bedroom
Johnny is an evil man
With a heart like a bomb
The next swing he takes
Dino will have her revenge

[Solo]

Chorus
White trash glam rock
Beer-battered wife
White trash glam rock
Glass shattered life

Run Johnny, run!
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!
#2
Hey man I like it.
My Rig:
Fender American Strat w/ texas specials
Martin DX1
Blueridge Br73
1968 Domino Californian
Stagg bass
2006 Fender hot rod deluxe
Gretsch Electromatic compact amp
among others
#4
Wow, I have to say I thought this piece was awesome, for lack of a better word. Seriously, I really enjoyed reading it. Well, for one, I thought the woding was excellent. It kind of reminded me offf a generic rock song (you know girls, partying, etc.) ,but it definitely transcended this. It had some humor, which is always good. The rhythm and the rhyme scheme were very good as well. The AAAABBBB rhyme might not jive well with everyvody, but it didn't bother me. One line I think you need to change is "Just to keep Bluefield's finest off his case." It's not bad, it's just too long. Maybe just drop the "just" at the beginning. Anyways, great job and keep it up, man.

Crit mine please?
Man-Made God
#6
I like the imagery you used to tell your story. That's something I am experimenting with myself at this point. I kinda got a Devil went down to Georgia flow from it, is that the kind of flow you see to it?
#7
nope, its a little punk, mixed with some good ol rock n roll and a lot of energy.
I massacre the guitar but make beautiful music in the process. Grunge lives through me!