#1
They don't even know where their ears came from
or who carved them out for book learnin's.
Pride?
What do you have to be proud of, that KD Lang haircut
or that shit sleave smeared in shit twice over?
When they find you, they won't even know what happened.
They'll never have seen fingernails used that way before,
and carbon dating will fuck itself right
on out the door.
All your kin has been forced by the vengeful hand of
Raptor baby Jesus-macullit to claim you as there
own scoop from the gene lake and not everyone's
favorite wire-hanger-pull-out mistake.

Poor advice.
Last edited by stellar_legs at Mar 17, 2007,
#2
No takers, eh? Figures. Maybe if I disapeared for months then returned with a 'comeback' piece, I'd get two pages of replies.
Poor advice.
#3
Alright, alright. I'll give it a go.

"Dear Ndugu: It's Up To You To Mess Shit Up" <-- from what I could find on the web, Leon "Ndugu" Chancler is the most sought after studio percussionist today. I have yet to see if he has any influence on this poem or not..
They don't even know where their ears came from
or who carved them out for book learnin's.
Pride?
What do you have to be proud of, that KD Lang haircut
or that shit sleave smeared in shit twice over? <-- *sleeve. what does this mean? what the hell is a "shit sleave"?
When they find you, they won't even know what happened.
They'll never have seen fingernails used that way before, <-- "They'll have never" is the grammatically correct version, but in the past you've told people that you meant to misspell words and phrased things differently, so maybe that's the case here...
and carbon dating will **** itself right
on out the door.
All your kin has been forced by the vengeful hand of
Raptor baby Jesus-macullit to claim you as there <--- I don't get the Raptor part, but Jesus-macullit is good, even though it's "[im]maculate"
own scoop from the gene lake and not everyone's
favorite wire-hanger-pull-out mistake. <--- nice line.

"Two years until smoking initiative.
Five years until maximum ownage on the ownage scale,
Broseph. I'm feeling hot, and heavy, and overexcited,
and I'm more than ready to force my **** in
the center of her pretty red-headed skull." <-- is this a quote from someone? did you make it up? who's the speaker?

I'm at the center of the Groove Patrol.
I'm the third pillar of the Shake N' Bake Squad.
My love is all of God's money, honey.
Everyone walks like this.
Everyone.
Lord help them Raptor Jesus. <-- funny ending.

That's all I've got. Grammatical stuff and clarity issues.

peace -Edgar
#4
haha (at your last post)^

well i just saw it for the first time and although i would have trouble giving this a proper crit, i'll just say what i liked and didn't like so much...

They don't even know where their ears came from
or who carved them out for book learnin's.
really cool opening, get you thinking
Pride?
What do you have to be proud of, that KD Lang haircut
or that shit sleave smeared in shit twice over?
i like it, humourous and ironic- im not sure how much i like the repetition of shit but i think it gives the line identity
When they find you, they won't even know what happened.
They'll never have seen fingernails used that way before,
and carbon dating will fuck itself right
on out the door.
Love it especially the second 2 lines
All your kin has been forced by the vengeful hand of
Raptor baby Jesus-macullit (haha) to claim you as there shouldnt this be "their"?
own scoop from the gene lake and not everyone's
favorite wire-hanger-pull-out mistake.
love the flow and ideas here

Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#5
Thanks both.

I think this piece is fairly self explanatory, but that's me talking about my stuff, so yeah.
Poor advice.
#6
They don't even know where their ears came from
or who carved them out for book learnin's.
Pride?
What do you have to be proud of, that KD Lang haircut<----EXTRENUATINGLY GOOD DIS.
or that shit sleave smeared in shit twice over?
When they find you, they won't even know what happened.
They'll never have seen fingernails used that way before,
and carbon dating will fuck itself right
on out the door. <----It's on it's way out.
All your kin has been forced by the vengeful hand of
Raptor baby Jesus-macullit to claim you as there
own scoop from the gene lake and not everyone's
favorite wire-hanger-pull-out mistake.

#8
it's a serious bummer when a piece slips through the cracks. that's happened to a few of mine. i wonder where they go... does UG only hold on to the last (insert # here) postings? what's the deal?
#10
Im not sure if anyone else noticed the Talladega Nights references, with baby raptor jesus and shake n' bake.

I know you probably wont, but could you post some kind of a translation so we can understand?
#11
Quote by Dr_ZeAlMo
Im not sure if anyone else noticed the Talladega Nights references, with baby raptor jesus and shake n' bake.

I know you probably wont, but could you post some kind of a translation so we can understand?


Those weren't Talladega Nights references, so I guess that's merely coincidental (I haven't seen it).

To sum this up (I really hate doing this), this is pretty much about a fight I got into two days ago. The guy was a "hardcore" kid and all, and he was instigating, so after many attempts to get him to stop what he was doing I just reached a breaking point and lept right into him and buried my fist in him. I never fight, and the fighst I have been in I lost. It was just a surreal moment for me to win a fight againts a "tough guy" Hardcore kid when I'm this bookish, introverted recluse.

And, I may have thrown in a rant or two about the Hardcore subculture these days....try and find them....
Poor advice.
#12
I had the feeling it was like a prologue-like narrated verse before some shakedown.

Is it about before the fight (generally), or is it about the actual fight itself? I may need to rethink my entire way of thought toward the English language.
マリ「しあわっせはーあるいってこないだーからあるいってゆっくんだねーん 
いっちにっちいっぽみーかでさんぽ
 さーんぽすすんでにっほさっがるー 
じーんせいはっわんつー!ぱんち・・・


"Success is as dangerous as failure. Hope is as hollow as fear." - from Tao Te Ching