#1
I first wrote this song when I just looked back at all the memories I had with this girl. This is the first song I really successfully wrote with a topic. I'm still new to songwriting, but the words came easy with this one. I'd like some feedback though, I'm curious as to what the UG members think of it.

'Glisten'
You've always got something to say,
there's never been a doubt in my mind.
But then one day you went and changed,
and now I just feel so blind.
Now you just tell me everything's OK,
or you tell me everything's just fine.
Even though you know deep down inside,
that to you, everything's been unkind.

And yet I continue to listen,
although you won't in return.
Sometimes your eyes glisten,
but sometimes they just burn.
Even to the point of death,
I'll never give up trying
you know that I'll use my last breath,
so that when you say I love you;
you won't actually be lying.

And then one day you really changed,
and that day you made me surprised.
I never thought a good person like you,
Could do something so despised.
You went and betrayed me for all my worth,
You destroyed everything between us.
And even if you 'implied' that you would,
Our relationship has still turned to dust.

And at one point I used to listen,
and you never did in return.
your eyes used to glisten,
but now they always burn.
I was untrue to you about before,
Because I've given up trying
I've plenty of breath left,
and now I won't tell you I love you,
Cause to you, I'm done lying.

But you never did stop changing,
Even to everyone else, it's hard to do.
It's not the same change you always did,
No, this change is brand new.
This change is for the good,
and its a whole new twist on you,
It's enough to make my hatred go away,
and my love for you to come back true.

And I've started again to listen,
and you're doing it in return.
You're eyes often glisten,
but they very rarely burn.
but still even to the point of death,
I'll never give up trying (once again),
you know that I'll use my last breath,
so that when you say I love you;
you won't actually be lying.
#2
Dude,
This is the best piece of writing I have ever seen on UG.
It is absolutely magnificent.


This is not a proper crit becuase I cannot see anything that I do not like throughout the whole piece. Absolutely wonderful.
Keep up the excellent work bud
#3
Dude,
This is the best piece of writing I have ever seen on UG.
It is absolutely magnificent.


This is not a proper crit becuase I cannot see anything that I do not like throughout the whole piece. Absolutely wonderful.


you, my friend, are a complete fool. the song is fairly decent, not absolutely mind-blowing. no offense to the writer, but to you, sir, may god have mercy on your soul for being so foolish as to say such a thing
#4
^^^^ Sorry man, i just think its pretty f*cking great.
I'm kinda high right now so that might help
But i think it's pretty super.
#5
Well thank you both, it was nice to hear both types of comments. I think I'm gonna stop writing songs until I get something to write about. I figured that that method works much better than writing just for writing (but that still works sometimes too.) It's just time to put music to this now!
#6
It was an easy read and tells a great story. I love how the chorus changes everytime. It is not usually done. Can't see anything that I would put in or take out. Great Job.
"Death of one is a tragety. Death of a thousand is just another statistic."