#1
This is a song I wrote for a very close friend of mine, as our friendship/relationship is changing and we're going to be growing apart. I just wrote it last night, I didn't make any revisions after it was done. 15 minutes, and this is the song that came out:

'Times(I'll Be There)'

You've helped me through some rough times
You've been the one I call
You've been there for my conscience
To help me carry on

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall
I can promise you one thing
I'll be there to pick you up

I know I've hurt you badly
Those days always linger on
And I know that you forgave me
And I can't thank you enough

As I sit here and ponder
How our lives are gonna change
Only one thing seems to matter
So here is what I'll say

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall
I can promise you one thing
I'll be there to pick you up

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall
I can promise you one thing
I'll be there... I'll be there

EDIT: Changed the 'cliche' line and titled the thread correctly.
Last edited by eXperiment63 at Mar 17, 2007,
#2
This obviously is personal and has a lot of meaning to you, which is really what to aim for when writing. As a whole it's just incredibly cliche, I mean I can recall having literally heard exact lines many times already. That said, there is potential in places where you could have had something great if you hadn't gone with the hackneyed lines. I really think you could take your ideas and write something that truly comes from inside. Keep writing.
#3
Quote by eXperiment63
This is a song I wrote for a very close friend of mine, as our friendship/relationship is changing and we're going to be growing apart. I just wrote it last night, I didn't make any revisions after it was done. 15 minutes, and this is the song that came out:

'Times(I'll Be There)'

You've helped me through some rough times
You've been the one I call
You've been there for my conscience
To help me carry on

flows good . and its a decent start

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall

try "And for the times you may fall"

I can promise you one thing
I'll be there to pick you up

Didn't like the last line that much but i guess its very personal to you

I know I've hurt you badly
Those days always linger on
And I know that you forgave me
And I can't thank you enough

As I sit here and ponder
How our lives are gonna change
Only one thing seems to matter
So here is what I'll say

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall
I can promise you one thing
I'll be there to pick you up

For those times that you may stumble
And those times that you may fall
I can promise you one thing
I'll be there... I'll be there

add to catch you if you fall


EDIT: Changed the 'cliche' line and titled the thread correctly.


well there are some cliche lines but who cares . you need to work on issue of flow especially n the last line of verses
Hi