#1
All right, so here's a new song I wrote. This is my semi-silly indie rock acoustic love song. I wasn't too sure if the lyrics that were meant to be funny came off as sounding dumb or if they added that sweet guy sentimentality that propels songs of this genre. So let me know if that part specifically works or not, and of course, let me know what you thought of the rest of it. Thanks.

You called me in the middle of the day
My stomach turned upside down
The TV is filling in the silence
I think my mom is baking a pie
You didn’t have to say hello
I though you forgot I existed
But if I could just see your face
Then I’d probably be falling in love

A cigarette burns all the way down
The moon hangs in front of our eyes
I can’t hear a word my friend says
I can’t keep my eyes off the sky
I want you to feel my heartbeat
Instead I’m just standing here with Chad
But if I could just hold your hand
Then I’d probably be falling in love

How can I keep up with you
It seems like you’re so far away
I hang my head out the window
I just argued with my dad about the war
There have been worse distractions
I can’t believe it went this far
But if I could just hear your voice
Then I’d probably be falling in love

Yeah, if you could just be here now
Then I’d probably be falling in love
A strange man deficated on my sister.
#3
Quote by i_got_novacain
It seems like you forced the whole thing,change some of the lyrics like the bit with 'Chad' and stuff and it might be a classic


I definitely see what your saying. Any suggestions how else to change it up or what direction it should be going in?
A strange man deficated on my sister.
#4
I agree with maybe you change the bit with 'Chad'...and the 'I think my mom is baking a pie bit'? I'm sure you could think of a better line. Other than that its pretty good well done.