#1
Ok i just wrote this song it didn't take me very long but whatever i just want some feedback.

I don't give in, so easily,
All these years, i've stood here and,
I've held all the crap in.

Whatever i said to you that day,
Whatever i said, i wana say it all again,
Because whatever i say, it'll make no difference anyway.

Wherever i go, i'm never coming back,
Whatever i do, ignore it now,
I'll stand over here, and watch you give in.

My one last hope, doesn't make a noise,
Who needs love, just call me back,
I'll sit over here, and, watch the world cave in.

Because,
Whatever i said to you that day,
Whatever i said, i wana say it all again,
Because whatever i say, it'll make no difference anyway. (Thinking of this as chorus)

So, i'll sit here, and watch us die,
It's no use, i've already tried,
I'll sit over here, and watch my life cave in,
Yeah,
I'll sit over here,
While you hail all the crap back in.

Because,
Whatever i said to you that day,
Whatever i said, i wana say it all again,
Because whatever i say, it'll make no difference anyway.
#2
how bou because?
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#3
I guess your suggesting that for a title? Yeah maybe but i'm pretty tired at the moment lol.
#4
For a title how about "Cave in" or "Whatever I say" or something like that.

As for a crit for this, well I say this is pretty well written, I mean, simple yes, but for song lyrics these will work nicely. I'm not to sure about your choice of chorus though. I think you could probably find something a lot more catchy and less cliche perhaps. I found the "Whatever ..., It doesn't ..." style thing in the verse would be coolfor a chorus.

But I dunno your song man, just do what feels right for you.
#5
Thanks. Yeah i dunno yet i was kinda stuck and i'm pretty tired at the moment but i might use that as the chorus. I'll see what fits better with the music. But anyway thanks for the crit.