#1
For all the times i took you for granted.

The time you found me crying.
You asked solemnly what was wrong
I told you I wasn’t quite sure
And you said, in your quiet way,
“Who is, these days?”
I told you “I don’t know.”

The time I called you, close to tears.
And we talked for hours,
Until I felt almost alright again.
You choked out three words
And asked me if I felt the same
I told you, “I don’t know.”

The time I sent the email.
And you called me after, full of hurt
Asked softly if I really felt that way
I just giggled, and hung up the phone
After waving you away
And saying “I don’t know.”

Three weeks later – we still haven’t spoken
But I just saw you holding her
Kissed her gently, and whispered something.
I confronted you after, and asked
“Do you love her? That’s what I heard.”
You told me
“I don’t know.”


c4c. <3


darkangel322

note: i have never broken up with someone by email. ive been broken up with like that, and it hurts so bad. the idea of this poem is the harsh reality of relationships that dont exist in the real world. and how the idea on confrontation in the end is what really tears everything apart.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.

#2
i liked this song better than relapse. I think that some of the words might not fit into the song, however i havent heard it so i could be wrong. This song is one of those songs where you know there is a message and the entire time its playing you either get that message or you "live" it in your mind. This was one of your most well-written pieces and this sounds cheesy but i really do look forward to hearing/reading more from you hearing if you actually love me....
pce
Quote by MightyAl
Incest, the game the whole family can play. Now for ages 3+
#3
You've managed to take a cliche subject and turn it into something new (to me at least). I really like how each stanza is a different part of the failing relationship and how it ultimately cycles. Very nice. There's nothing I really dislike about it. You're a very good author/lyricist/poet, whatever you prefer.
Does anyone know the song that goes: ba ba bah, ba ba buh, bu ba bum, ba ba bah, ba bu buh, bu bu bum, bu ba bu bu bum baam?
#4
Quote by darkangel322
For all the times i took you for granted.

The time you found me crying.
You asked solemnly what was wrong
I told you I wasn’t quite sure
And you said, in your quiet way,
“Who is, these days?”
I told you “I don’t know.”

4 & 5 are really nice, the rest is all good, im sure that some of it could be worded in a more interesting way but overall its a good opening

The time I called you, close to tears.
And we talked for hours,
Until I felt almost alright again.
You choked out three words
And asked me if I felt the same
I told you, “I don’t know.”

nothing wrong with this really, it almost gets cliche in parts but you kept it pretty interesting

The time I sent the email.
And you called me after, full of hurt
Asked softly if I really felt that way
I just giggled, and hung up the phone
After waving you away
And saying “I don’t know.”

probly my least favorite part, altho i could see how someone would like this stanza, to me it didnt seem like there was to much to it

Three weeks later – we still haven’t spoken
But I just saw you holding her
Kissed her gently, and whispered something.
I confronted you after, and asked
“Do you love her? That’s what I heard.”
You told me
“I don’t know.”

this makes the song for me. up till this point it was all just a very nice little peice that never went anywhere intriguing but this really turned it aaround for me and just opens up a differant way to see the whole thing


c4c. <3


darkangel322

note: i have never broken up with someone by email. ive been broken up with like that, and it hurts so bad. the idea of this poem is the harsh reality of relationships that dont exist in the real world. and how the idea on confrontation in the end is what really tears everything apart.

ya i thought this was very good, it had its slower spots but in the end it all comes out really well. youve defintily improved since ive been here.
#5
ya..i like the way it was told, like u kno how certain things gotta be told a certain way? u really told this nicely..i have to agree, it was new way u put it, but its still cool! lol speciallly since this is about break ups u kno , break ups always suck , specially afterwards takes so long to find ur self..well for me at least lol