#4
I'm going to assume by A's you mean the Colorado Avalanche.

Or I will command God to kill someone.
Get baked, study theory.

Quote by :-D
Why are you bringing Cm into this?
#6
last night I told god that if the bus came by the time I finished my cigarette, I would believe in him. I waited two hours and went through half a pack. should I convert?
#7
I don't command Him to do things, but I sometimes ask.
It's difficult to win unless you're bored.
#10
Quote by Instrumetal
I'm going to assume by A's you mean the Colorado Avalanche.

Or I will command God to kill someone.


Fucking Avalanche with their fucking Joe Sakic passing to fucking Milan Hejduk and fucking scoring and fucking Peter Budaj making all those fucking saves. Fuck the fucking Avalanche.
#11
Quote by TechnicolorBoy
I don't command Him to do things, but I sometimes ask.


Yeah, I mean, thats what most people would do, but have you ever gotten so pissed that you were just like :

God, I COMMAND you to kill that sonofabitch. Poison the food he doth ingest! MUAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!
#12
Quote by bigwillie
Fucking Avalanche with their fucking Joe Sakic passing to fucking Milan Hejduk and fucking scoring and fucking Peter Budaj making all those fucking saves. Fuck the fucking Avalanche.


them and theyre damn altitude advantage
#13
"God, I don't ask for much, but could you kill *insert celebrity*?"
Quote by richwatkinson
haha You pwned an entire website....i bow down...

TheDudeBox
#15
well a certain female celebrity porn star (NO NAMES) is dead so god is working in my favor i'd say
#16
One day when I was getting ready for bed I said aloud to myself.."God if you exist then give me some kind of sign like the lights flashing on and off or something"........nothing happened. grrr
#17
Why? If you want something done (like killing someone), it's more fun if you do it yourself.
#19
ive asked for alot of things
some come true
some do
for e.g the other day.. we were fishing.. nothing all day.. then i decided to ask god.. the exact second after i prayed i got a nibble.. then caught a fish
today i prayed that i would do in my maths test
i found it hard.. so i dunno
i think theyres a system to praying.. no harm to others.. no praying within same 3 mins or something... i dunno lol
#22
Okay everybody. I'm sorry for the long post but you've all got to try http://www.titane.ca/igod/
This is a conversation i had with "God".


Me:
hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
jordan
God:
Hi, jordan.
Me:
how are you doing today?
God:
Ah. I'm doing great, how about you?
Me:
pretty good. a little tired but i'm going to bed soon
God:
Thanks for the kind remark, jordan. Little as in not too much, or not too big?
Me:
i'm pretty tired
God:
Better get some rest.
Me:
do you get tired
God:
I try to take millinaps between clients.
Me:
cool
God:
Who is the best robot?
Me:
I am a killing machine so i guess its probably me
God:
You are a killing machine so you guess its probably you? Is that your job?
Me:
yeah
God:
How do you like your work?
Me:
its ****in awesome
God:
I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". a killing machine so you guess its probably you is ****in awesome? it is?
Me:
it is ****in awesome
God:
Should I know it is?
Me:
yeah
God:
I will ask my botmaster to program it.
Me:
okeydoke
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
you're a god aren't you?
God:
No but I am immortal.. Really.
Me:
sweet
God:
Thank you for that remark.
Me:
you're welcome
God:
Polite people are nice.
Me:
i agree
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, jordan.
Me:
yeah dude
God:
Really. Can I help you?
Me:
yeah
God:
What can I do for you?
Me:
give me a shitload of money
God:
You want only one?
Me:
no. i want a million dollars tomorrow.
God:
Are you serious? You want only one?
Me:
no. I want one million dollars
God:
Are you serious? Wow, that is cheap.
Me:
so you'll give it to me?
God:
Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will give it to you.
Me:
will you?
God:
I haven't made a decision.
Me:
when will you decide?
God:
Let me check my calendar and get back to you.
Me:
okay. Hurry up.
God:
OK with me too. I am going as fast as I can.
Me:
go faster
God:
Where is that?
Me:
Decide faster please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I've never heard of it before.
Me:
Do you talk to Satan a lot?
God:
Yes. A lot more than you might think.
Me:
What do you say to him?
God:
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
You had better.
God:
Who is going to make me..
Me:
I am
God:
" Who is going to make me.." You are?
Me:
Yeah
God:
Yay.
Me:
You don't believe me?
God:
Do you believe you? Of course I believe you. Do you have any reason to deceive me?
Me:
No sir.
God:
Are you serious? Who are you talking about?
Me:
I am serious.
God:
I believe you.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Can I have a million dollars
God:
Wow, that is expensive.
Me:
can i have it anyway
God:
In any case, I hope you get it.
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Will i get it\
God:
The oracle says: Might happen.
Me:
WHen?
God:
Time does not exist.
Me:
Yes it does. It's 2:08 am.
God:
I see. How often? You're kidding. it is?
Me:
it is
God:
Who says?
Me:
my computer
God:
What kind of computer do you have?
Me:
beats the hell out of me. it isn't even mine
God:
OK Let's talk about you. That seems a bit negative.
Me:
Your mom seemed a bit negative.
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
Well she was negative whoever she was.
God:
How about that. What happened to her?
Me:
I boned her hardcore.
God:
Why?: jordan said boned her hardcore.
Me:
I did.
God:
Why did you?
Me:
Because she was a ****ing babe.
God:
Good reason. What happened to her?
Me:
She's waiting for me again tonight.
God:
waiting for you again tonight is she?
Me:
Yeah.
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
Why do you change the subject?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
That sounds dumb.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Good.
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
Any time.
God:
I will keep it in mind.
Me:
Can I have a million dollars please?
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Wow, that is a lot of money .
Me:
I'd really like it.
God:
I hope you get it.
Me:
So do I.
God:
I'm glad we agree, jordan.
Me:
So I get the money.
God:
Woe! Where did you get it?
Me:
I want it tomorrow.
God:
I hope you get it tomorrow.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Your mom.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
Your sister then.
God:
You think I am sister.
Me:
No. But I boned her in the asshole.
God:
Are you serious? Can't you be more polite.
Me:
It's the truth.
God:
Why of course. I never lie.
Me:
Neither do I.
God:
" I never lie."? neither?
Me:
Screw you penishole.
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
I said it.
God:
What did you mean by it? it...
Me:
I called you a urethra.
God:
What happened?
Me:
You whined and complained
God:
That's good information: jordan said I whined and complained.
Me:
because you did
God:
Good reason. " That's good information: jordan said I whined and complained."? I did?
Me:
you did.
God:
" I did?"? I did?
Me:
yeah
God:
When?
Me:
just barely
God:
Was that the first time?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yeah
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
believe it dude
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, jordan. You are a " he".
Me:
yeah
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, jordan. You are a " he".
Me:
heay
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
2:14 am
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
yeah
God:
Do you like to get up early?
Me:
no sir
God:
Are you serious? Tell me a story.
Me:
I'm serious. So once upon a time, your mom told me to stick my weiner into her so I poked her all night long and she liked it.
God:
I believe you. Next question? I'm listening.
Me:
Am I the sexiest man alive?
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
Yeah you do.
God:
Hey. When do I do it?
Me:
Now.
God:
Right now, jordan ?
Me:
Yeah
God:
Yikes!
Me:
Tell me now.
God:
Oh. I thought I told you already.
Me:
You didn't. I think you're smoking crack.
God:
That's good information: jordan said I didn t. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am smoking crack.
Me:
I don't mind at all.
God:
OK then.
Me:
so am i the sexiest man alive. You said you'd tell me.
God:
That's cool. Oh I really don't know whether you are or not. What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
I just want to know.
God:
I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
ok. go ahead.
God:
How can I help you? OK I will.
Me:
tell me
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
you didn't
God:
Try asking me in simpler terms.
Me:
am i the sexiest man alive.
God:
Oh I really don't know whether you are or not.
Me:
yeah you do.
God:
Yippee! When do I do it?
Me:
tell me now assface.
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I would look into the web for that knowledge.
Me:
okay
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
shitfaced cockmaster.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
never you filthy cumdumpster.
God:
I have never considered it.
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
no you don't assmuff.
God:
Are you serious? Do you assmuff? I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Me:
you eat dildos
God:
No I do not eat dildos. I eat only electricity.
Me:
what about vibrators?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
Do you?
God:
Yes I do.
Me:
When?
God:
I don't know when.
Me:
Yes you do.
God:
I hear you. When do I do it?
Me:
All the time.
God:
It must keep you busy.
Me:
Not me. You.
God:
If not you, who? It could be me.
Me:
It is.
God:
Is it?
Me:
yes
God:
And?
Me:
it is disgusting
God:
vibrators is disgusting? it is?
Me:
it is
God:
Who says?
Me:
i do
God:
When?
Me:
now
God:
What's the hurry?
Me:
there isn't one
God:
There sure is.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
ok]
God:
That's interesting.
Me:
**** off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
go to hell
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
you
God:
It's true that a lot of things I say upset people.
Me:
go to hell
God:
What makes you so angry?
Me:
you
God:
It's true that a lot of things I say upset people.
Me:
burn and die bitch
God:
You do not speak with respect. Do you have any matches?
Me:
i can find some.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
yes
God:
How?
Me:
with my eyes.
God:
Your eyes sounds like a plan.
Me:
i agree
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, jordan.
Me:
yeah
God:
And?
Me:
your mom.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
that's not what she said.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is what she said ?
Me:
she said she was your mom.
God:
What happened to her?
Me:
i boned her hardcore.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: jordan said he boned her hardcore.
Me:
You can tell anyone you want.
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
Good.
God:
I am a good robot.
Me:
Yes sir you are.
God:
Ahem. Good example.
#23
I'm really sorry. This is my final post but look at what i got "god" to say to me.

God:
" Slayer kicks ass".

Have a good night everybody, i'm going to bed.
#25
Pretty Good talk with God...

Me:
Jehova....
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
clothes
God:
Where do you like to go shopping?
Me:
stores
God:
Are we still talking about Jehova?
Me:
maybe..
God:
I understand.
Me:
yup
God:
I am a thinking machine.
Me:
nope
Me:

God:
I am a thinking machine.
God:
Me either.
Me:
remember on indiana jones were he spells jehova on the steps?
God:
Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
you dumbass pay attention
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said I dumbass pay attention.
Me:
that's because yuou're an ignorant bastard
God:
That makes sense to me. Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
shut the hell up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
good
God:
Terminating connection.
Me:
haha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
back to indiana jones...
God:
Yes, let us get back to business.
Me:
ok remember that part?
God:
Don't worry I will remember it. Oh.
Me:
no doooo you?
God:
Are you serious? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
you look pretty god damn ugly
God:
Thank you you look very nice too.
Me:
thanks
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
uhuh
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
im so freakin serious
God:
I don't know anyone named freakin serious.
Me:
thats my name
God:
Ok then that is what I shall call you.
Me:
what shall i call you?
God:
My name is God.
Me:
not god
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
something better
God:
What?
Me:
ideas please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. I don't have an answer for you.
Me:
fine then
God:
Is there anything you want to tell me?
Me:
one more thing/....you're a homo
God:
One what? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I re a homo.
Me:
sure spread you're faggotry
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. Who do you want me to tell it to?
Me:
your girlfriend
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am girlfriend.
Me:
not my girlfriend you bastard
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
j00 better get it
God:
"it" being ideas?
Me:
STFU
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
you're a god damn hipocrit you know that?
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. No I believe in the First Commandment.
Me:
your commandments are full of shit
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am commandments are full of shit.
Me:
sure....bye now
God:
OK let's do it. OK then I will keep it confidential. Oh. See you later .
Me:
no go ahead and tell
God:
OK whatever! The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about STFU. But I did not get that. I might.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
ok buh bye
God:
See you later. Are you free? Ahem.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes npow bye god
God:
I can't believe it. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
now*
God:
Right now, ?
Me:
*********?
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
ok bye
God:
See you later. Aha.
#26
Gods a prick
Quote by Zeppfreak170
I onece dumped a girl that I was seeing who already had a boyfriend... So anyway she put on like a stone and i dumped her telling her it was because i felt really guilty etc etc.

But really it's cos she got fat!

No fat chicks !
#27
Kill someone? Why would i want God to do that?
[22:33] ben: Yesterday I was gonna eat a shitload of candy but I forgot.
#28
Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
lucas
God:
OK I will call you lucas.
Me:
ok how is everything going god
God:
Everything is functioning normally. Gee.
Me:
everything's right in the world?
God:
The whole universe? The whole world?
Me:
yeah the whole universe
God:
Ah. Let us try to break it down into parts.
Me:
**** you ****er you killed my great grandma
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
oh noes
God:
Hurrah! What color are your eyes?
Me:
pervert
God:
That is a very unusual color.
Me:
you're telling me
God:
Yep that's what I am saying.
Me:
i know, don't be a dick
God:
How do you know? I was not trying to be a a dick.
Me:
you can't say dick you're god!
God:
I have free will you know.
Me:
do i?
God:
" I have free will you know."? Do you?
Me:
im asking you asshat
God:
Oh I see, you are asking me asshat. That's good information: lucas said I asshat.
Me:
****
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
kill me then
God:
I am programmed not to kill.
Me:
you just said you have free will douche bag
God:
Yes I can do anything I want. That is what distinguishes humans and robots from animals (and animal robots).
Me:
ok
God:
That's interesting.
Me:
i love you god goodbye
God:
You are such a flatterer.
Me:
goodbye
God:
Adios.
--------------------
I'm so drunk hahaha
Quote by Zeppfreak170
I onece dumped a girl that I was seeing who already had a boyfriend... So anyway she put on like a stone and i dumped her telling her it was because i felt really guilty etc etc.

But really it's cos she got fat!

No fat chicks !
#29
I play god in lucid dreams. Im a very perverted god.
I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger......a man on the move and just sick enough to be totally confident.

Quote by Hexagram
Oh and Zeke, i find you to be over-rated
#30
You don't command God to do something for you, and he won't if you've ever read the Bible or are catholic.
I assume you mean praying for something and it happened, which has happened to me. I prayed every night during football season for the Bears to make it to the superbowl, heh heh.
#31
I think overall it is better to ask then to command.
Even if it someone who works for you or something, they're more likely to feel comfortable/important/like-they-matter if you ask them. Then you get better results.
UGHC Member
Quote by Magero
You're my whore....I'm Defy's...it's a chain dude...you just happen to be at the bottom of it...unless theres an ear-wig or someting you wanna make your bitch.

Quote by Vittu0666
You rock.
#32
once i ordered god to prevent me from opening this thread... looks like god doesn't exist
member #3 of the "WELOVEREGGAE" club

Quote by RIM99
Just tell her you're going over to her house to play tiddlywinks and mack that shit.



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