#1
And as I stare at your face
I try to erase
The picture stuck in my head
The one above your bed
Of me and you so in love
What happened to us
Where did I go wrong
Tell me what did I do wrong

Is it asking to much
To try to keep in touch
After all the hell you put me through
I stood true
I stood by you
And I can’t believe
That I didn’t see
Any of this… nothing at all

And I’m left alone
Just remembering the times
Knowing I was yours
And you were mine.
I’d brag to everyone
Telling them of you
Lieing about who you really are because
I loved you
No I loved you

If I could do it all over
I wouldn’t get this close
I wouldn’t let you in
When it’s late at night
And you can’t sleep
I hope your laying there
Thinking of me
And what used to be

I’m tired of these games
Where I never win
We can both honestly say
I never had a chance
And without hesitation
Without a second glance
You can turn away from me


-that's it, i'm new to this so be gentle please...but constructive criticism is more then welcomed
#2
I liked the way that everything sounded while reading it. Damn fine piece of poetry to me. I actually liked the:

"Where did I go wrong
Tell me what did I do wrong"

part, because I knew a girl once who whenever I did something wrong, she expected me to know what it was, and it was usually something petty and stupid, so I really liked those two lines. What was the inspiration for this whole entire piece? (I apologize for asking that question, but I wanna start reading this forum and asking people what inspired them to try it for myself, and see what happens..)
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#3
Nothing really sticks to me with this one. You've stuck some rhyme in places and left none in others. It reads sorta choppy. It lends itself to a pause after each line. But, being new to this, as you say, its not bad. With more practice you could become good. I suggest reading poetry and songs, just reading, not listening. Try some T.S. Eliot, Shakespeare, Lord Alfred Tennyson, try to get a variety. Reading will improve your writing.
Does anyone know the song that goes: ba ba bah, ba ba buh, bu ba bum, ba ba bah, ba bu buh, bu bu bum, bu ba bu bu bum baam?