#1
Crit4Crit
This isn't much of a poem, I'm not sure what it is, it feels more like a letter written like a poem. One problem is the line breaks. This sucks, but I felt like writing something.


"My Thoughts and Feelings"

I'm feeling a new kind of alone.
In front of certain people,
a long good-bye is
annoying and unfulfilling.
You keep talking even though we said good-bye
five minutes ago, and five before that.
Lately I've found that I can
hate people simply because they exist.

I've had trouble articulating my thoughts.
I wrote twenty poems last week,
they're so horrible,
reading them makes me cringe.
Every time a pencil touches the paper
my first thought is blood, bleed, or die.
Every thought of feelings makes me
picture myself putting my right had over my heart,
and forcing my fingers into my chest.

I really do hate them.
It's been twenty minutes.
I blame them for every second of
misery I've had to endure.
I hate them for the pain they've caused you,
the habits you've formed....
I'm going to stop there because
I'm getting the images again.
When I can't hurt them, I
can only think about hurting myself.
#2
I agree that the line breaks are a problem. Maybe you should make it into prose? It would be easier to read.
Keep the underlined lines, just make everything under one into prose?
Quote by Cal UK
Alk hit the nail on the head there.
#3
Quote by stratkat
I've had trouble articulating my thoughts.
I wrote twenty poems last week,
they're so horrible,
reading them makes me cringe.
Every time a pencil touches the paper
my first thought is blood, bleed, or die.
Every thought of feelings makes me
picture myself putting my right had over my heart,
and forcing my fingers into my chest.



That was the only part i didnt like because it didnt go with the others that much but the rest was pretty good, but ya need to keep the lines from breaking, keep it up , u got something here

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