#1
I usualy write lyrics about a whole range of different things, but i usualy try to make the lyrics suit a more metal style. This song i wrote is something in a "Queens Of The Stone Age" type area if you know what i mean..

I havnt been here for a long time, but just thought id share these lyrics with you.. its pretty much kind of about girls who have the looks but no brains.. Theres more to it than that tho and im happy if people are willing to post their own interpretations

I saw.. I saw you
many times before
but when.. but when
you moved up a year
i saw.. a hot a thing

you were.. you are..
just another girl
just another one
that doesnt see the right
only sees the wrong

up the stairs, through the main
your eyes hit me, and i look at you again
hundreds of eyes, race through
once again, madness, phase

its in my head, a movie, an island
another bottle.. empty like all
how high will you dare to jump


you caught the eye
your the one thats insane
dont label me as something
the folder moves beside your face
again, again, the same, another game
look through a lense and see that
you piss away


up the stairs, through the main
your eyes hit me, and i look at you again
hundreds of eyes, race through
once again, madness, phase

you caught the eye
your the one thats insane
dont label me as something
the folder moves beside your face
again, again, the same, another game
look through a lense and see that
you piss away
#2
hahah i really like this.. i like:
you were.. you are..
just another girl
just another one
that doesnt see the right
only sees the wrong
the best and i also really like the chorus. I think this song is a bit..iuno...poppish? like it sounds like something i would hear comming from P!nk... but i do like it your really good. would you mine critting mine? the first one in my sig. thanks
Quote by MightyAl
Incest, the game the whole family can play. Now for ages 3+
#3
I saw.. I saw you
many times before
but when.. but when
you moved up a year
i saw.. a hot a thing

doesn't flow too well, maybe try "grew" instead of "moved"... saw a hot thing? way too general, try to be more descriptive

you were.. you are..
just another girl
just another one
that doesnt see the right
only sees the wrong

once again, there is no picture coming to mind right now, you have to use specifics

up the stairs, through the main
your eyes hit me, and i look at you again
hundreds of eyes, race through
once again, madness, phase

instead of "and i look at you again" try "i look again" becz it flows a lot better... "hundreds of eyes"? who's eyes? descriptions are dearly needed

its in my head, a movie, an island
another bottle.. empty like all
how high will you dare to jump

ok, makes absolutely no sense to me at all, and btw you said it was in a qotsa style? in my head is one of their songs... might wanna stay away from stating it if you are going to use it


you caught the eye
your the one thats insane
dont label me as something
the folder moves beside your face
again, again, the same, another game
look through a lense and see that
you piss away

hmmm... can't say the first part makes sense, its overall simple, too general, and there is no mood, no story comes to mind, and it is incredibly incoherent, try again friend


up the stairs, through the main
your eyes hit me, and i look at you again
hundreds of eyes, race through
once again, madness, phase

you caught the eye
your the one thats insane
dont label me as something
the folder moves beside your face
again, again, the same, another game
look through a lense and see that
you piss away

incoherence, simplicity, lacking details, lacking mood, lacking structure, just need some practice maybe
#4
lol thanks.. and the line "its in my head" is not stolen from QOTSA lol.. it just came along..

Thanks for your comment, but one thing i must hightlight is that a descriptive explanation for every little thing isnt always needed. I mean you dont know the meaning of every single song you come across.. if you know what i mean..

thanks anyway
#5
Quote by Master12
lol thanks.. and the line "its in my head" is not stolen from QOTSA lol.. it just came along..

Thanks for your comment, but one thing i must hightlight is that a descriptive explanation for every little thing isnt always needed. I mean you dont know the meaning of every single song you come across.. if you know what i mean..

thanks anyway


yes, i know what you mean, but you need just enough to get the story across is my main reason. i just felt utterly lost and confused, just throw in some cool vocab.

go ahead and crit mine if ya want, they are down below in the sig.
#6
Wrote that song in 5 mins.. usualy i spend a bit more time on them.. maybe thats why you think a few bits dont match. I dunno, ill look over it after i get some more replies, then i might add a few changes.
#8
i like this alot. i dont really know why, theres nothing really i would change.
i didnt really crit. sorry, you dont have to get one of mine.
The only truly consistent people are dead people.