#1
Hello corporate America
Hello Mr Suit-N-Tie
Hidden from the public eye

Sitting in your Billion dollar chair
Makeing Billion dollar decisions
With a Billion dollar View

Hello you unholy being
Exploiting human beings
Impeared to see grief

You don't care who passes you by on the streets
Be it a junkie or the police
Or a common man
Who lives in which chains thrive

Hello corporate America
Goodbye


--I made plenty of these, and I like this one the best, but I think it needs improvment...What do you think? i know its short, but thats what i was going for.
:stickpoke
Last edited by crackpipe jones at Mar 19, 2007,
#2
Quote by crackpipe jones
Hello corporate America
Hello Mr Suit-N-Tie
Hidden from the public eye
good lines. i think it sounds funny though with a A B B rhyme... maybe its just me but it sounds rather wonky

Sitting in your Billion dollar chair
Makeing Billion dollar decisions
With a Billion dollar View
i like it. I like the repitition of billion and i also like how with each line you get a different visual
Hello you unholy being
Exploiting human beings
Impeared to see grief
no offense but this line doesnt really grab me like the others
You dont seem to care you passes you by on the streets
Be it a junkie or the police
Or a common man
Who lives in which chains thrive
good lines. but i think you should try and shorten line1, otherwise its a good verse/line set
Hello corporate America
Goodbye
i love the ending


--I made plenty of these, and I like this one the best, but I think it needs improvment...What do you think?

overall... its fair. I like it but i think some of it need to be fixed. Like i said, maybe its just me but some of these lines sound choppy and rushed. keep it up dude
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#3
Thanks ^^


I shortened the one line,
Do you love me now Dad?
:stickpoke
Last edited by crackpipe jones at Mar 19, 2007,
#4
I like it. I like the unusual rhyme patern(ABB) and the content. I agree 100% with everything you said. You have time, crit mine: https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=548313
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