#1
Ruler of my head (sposed to be a metal song)

A comformist game
the mind aflame
things I dont understand
Thoughts are burning
Heads are turning
All fit into the master plan

Heracy
thats the key
don't give into demands
live you see
for your beliefs
until youve conquered your own lands

only one king
it's him I will defy
His master race
Is above disgrace
his bonds ill untie

Ruler of my head
Ruler of my head
Ruler of my head...

Down in my corner its where ill cower
waiting for the day when ill fight your power
up on your throne your the puppet master
Crack the whip and yell work faster
Lonelyness is your only true weapon now...

Took my love and my sanity
With hopes that you'll break me
Thats your first mistake
Because ill never break
tried again
Thats your last mistake
No more mistakes

Fill my cracks in
with all the desperation
Feed me the lies
With a spoon made from deceit
Leave me to die
with the wounds that youve given me

Clean heart
Mad heart
Cold heart
Black heart
Dead heart...
#2
Quote by PaintITblack123
Ruler of my head (sposed to be a metal song)

A comformist game
the mind aflame
things I dont understand
Thoughts are burning
Heads are turning
All fit into the master plan
i love the rhyming. very very effective. I'm wondering how that would sound metalwise but lyricswise its brilliant
Heracy
thats the key
don't give into demands
live you see
for your beliefs
until youve conquered your own lands
this line sounds a little more choppy but its still good.. try to make it flow a little more. the flow is decent but its not... perfect
only one king
it's him I will defy
His master race
Is above disgrace
his bonds ill untie
awesome. i love this. i like your rhyming pattern. not only extremely effective but passionate and thought out... you took a while to write this didnt you?
Ruler of my head
Ruler of my head
Ruler of my head...

Down in my corner its where ill cower
waiting for the day when ill fight your power
up on your throne your the puppet master
Crack the whip and yell work faster
Lonelyness is your only true weapon now...
love it
Took my love and my sanity
With hopes that you'll break me
Thats your first mistake
Because ill never break
tried again
Thats your last mistake
No more mistakes
its really good but i think its kind of choppy in parts. the rhyming isnt as good in this line but it gets the point across... if you would revise anything, revise the flow of this line
Fill my cracks in
with all the desperation
Feed me the lies
With a spoon made from deceit
Leave me to die
with the wounds that youve given me
mhm
Clean heart
Mad heart
Cold heart
Black heart
Dead heart...
im not sure if i like this ending...

overall... wonderfully done. I think this song has amazing potential and its already well written. I think that you have much talent. How old are you? You write at an advanced level. Anyways... great piece. keep it up dude (would you crit mine? the first one in my sig. thx)
Quote by MightyAl
Incest, the game the whole family can play. Now for ages 3+