#1
Okay,so some of the inspirstion came from that film 'Factory Girl' about that 60's icon Edie Sedgwick and the one and only who made her famous Andy Warhol.
Its kinda a acousticy/hard like song lol so please crit cos i think its kinda good i just wanna see what you peepz think and if i can improve it please tell me how.Cheers



"The It Girl [Edie And Andy]"

Your skin soaked in lust
Your beauty is nail bitting stuff
Im sweating you out like a fever
Just to see that face forever

Your something like an addiction
Im coming to you for another hit
There I am inhaling your smoke
I had your back for every word you spoke

I've got the "It" girl running through me
I've got the "It" girl running through me

He made you who you are
He braught you up this far
He's the one that watched you fall
Still it wasnt good enough
Still you needed more of us
To remind you who you are
To remind you that your the "It" girl
It remind you that your the "It" girl


When your ashtrays full to the load
When your arms have no more room for holes
I'll be pulling up my sleeve
So you can inject me with your fame and greed


The crowd surrounded you
She's do anything he asked her to
And the camera keeps on rolling


He made you who you are
He braught you up this far
He's the one that watched you fall
Still it wasnt good enough
Still you needed more of us
To remind you who you are
To remind you that your the "it" girl
It remind you that your the "It" girl

To remind you that your his superstar
To remind you that your his superstar.
Last edited by i_got_novacain at Apr 11, 2007,
#2
Uh......Some words Are Repeated Too much

But other than That....I like the song

You Said Acuostic/Hard Sounding song...Right?
#5
I don't think this is repetitive at all. I like it a lot actually. I'd love to hear the music you have for this. An acoustic/hard song sounds interesting. Cheers and keep up the awsome work
#7
I'm pretty sure you're only allowed one song per day. Sorry man. This'll probably be closed. Try again tomorrow. Also, I think it's also limited to 2 songs per week.
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#8
I think its pretty good.


When your ashtrays full to the load
When your arms have no more room for holes
I'll be pulling up my sleeve
So you can inject me with your fame and greed

I really like that stanza.

It flows like a song (as you intended), so setting it to music should be no problem.

Your something like an addiction
Im coming to you for another fixture

You might want to consider changing the word "fixture" to something else like "fix," or "hit." Other than that minor thing its pretty solid.
Does anyone know the song that goes: ba ba bah, ba ba buh, bu ba bum, ba ba bah, ba bu buh, bu bu bum, bu ba bu bu bum baam?
#10
I wasn't sure which you wanted me to crit, so I chose this one because I'm really fascinated by the whole Warhol scene. As a song, it's well done. You made a lot of decisions I wouldn't have, which I find really interesting. I clearly have a very different idea of Edie Sedgewick. You sound pretty impassioned about her, almost angry, whereas if I were to write about her I'd have made it more detatched, ironic, and a little mournful. I love reading well-written lyrics that I don't necessarily agree with, it reminds me of how amazing music really is. Good work, though. My favorite part was "when your arms have no more room for holes/I'll be pulling up my sleeve".
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#11
Quote by VoodooChild15
I wasn't sure which you wanted me to crit, so I chose this one because I'm really fascinated by the whole Warhol scene. As a song, it's well done. You made a lot of decisions I wouldn't have, which I find really interesting. I clearly have a very different idea of Edie Sedgewick. You sound pretty impassioned about her, almost angry, whereas if I were to write about her I'd have made it more detatched, ironic, and a little mournful. I love reading well-written lyrics that I don't necessarily agree with, it reminds me of how amazing music really is. Good work, though. My favorite part was "when your arms have no more room for holes/I'll be pulling up my sleeve".



Yeah I can understand that the...

"Still it wasnt good enough
Still you needed more of us
To remind you who you are
To remind you that your the "it" girl
It remind you that your the "It" girl"

....would make it look like i dont "like"her as such,but i kinda hoped that the"your beauty is nail-bitting stuff"and "Just to see that face forever"

would actualy show the love I have forthis girl,Same im into Warhol too and im like obsessed with Edie Sedgewick,so just to clear it up I tried not to write it too against her,more so against the way he just forgot about her when things got rough.lol

Thanks for the crit.
#12
"When your ashtrays full to the load
When your arms have no more room for holes
I'll be pulling up my sleeve
So you can inject me with your fame and greed"

Definitely my favorite part of the song. The whole thing has that sense of mystery about it I really like in lyrics. I was unfamiliar with the film that inspired you but I am intrigued now. Good job man.
#13
hey, thanks for the criticism u gave my song, ill try and act upon it asap, this song is so cool it uses a shit lot of imagery which really makes u feel intregued, some lines are repeated quite alot though but however u wanna put it
#15
its pretty good would make a good song probably my favorite of your 3 in ur sig
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#16
pretty decent. there is a lot of words, so I'm interested to see how it would be transferred to a song. Carefull on some of the forced rhyming:

There I am inhaling your smoke
I had your back for every word you spoke

I'll be pulling up my sleeve
So you can inject me with your fame and greed

^think those two are the worst. Sometimes it's ok for it not to rhyme, remember that. I think the ending leaves much to be desired for. I can kinda get what you're trying to do, but if you're going to repeat, it's tough to pull it off if it's not exactly the same. Your analogies are fantastic for the most part. The begining is rather strong too, except for "just to see that face forever" .. this peice is good enough to stand on it's own and not require the cliches. However, I can tell you probably wrote that part first, since the writing get's weaker the farther you get into the peice. Overall, there's alot to like. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

And for the record, it's you're not your ...
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