#1
V1 When your felling down and frustrated
someone kicked you around and you hate it
just walk away you can take it out on me you can
C take it out on me
let your anger out
take it out on me
take it all out
V2 Someone must have kick you around
kept pushing till they knocked you down
it seems to me that you cant stand on your feet
so for now ill let you take it out on me
C
V3 So you've been through a few hard times
who hasn't its part of life
you got to learn to keep it all in
or you wont make it in the end

this is my first complete song so ill appreciate any tips or crits
#4
Then why post the old one...? If you're gonna post two, then you should atleast put the title in as "Take It Out On Me (Rough Draft)" or something.

Anyway, what is the style that you're writing towards? Pop, Pop Punk? I can picture there being several voices in the chorus, but the verses should be sang on their own.

As for corrections, I'd take out that "you can" in the line "You can take it out on me you can". Doesn't work for me.

The "You got to learn to keep it all in or you won't make it in the end" line is also kind of sketchy to me.... In reality, you don't ball stuff up like that, so you shouldn't put it in a song, and the rhyme seems kind of forced. Verse 2 was the best out of the three for me. It flowed well, and nothing sounded like you were trying to find a rhyme. Don't worry about rhyming too much. When you do, you can make your piee sound really cheesy. You should look in a dictionary or a thesarus or something for words to use to make the rhymes easier to find too.
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