#1
You're a mistake for a human being
Disease, you're a nasty plague
You're pestilence with arms and legs
You look in our eyes and spread your wings
Then fly away and leave us with your stain

I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I feel you (Infecting me)
I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I know you're there (Infecting me)

Pushing through, you find your way around to the back
Slipping in, preparing to leave your mark
You spawn your pain and brood your sin
We toss and turn, you're deep within
Escaping you would mean escaping life

I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I feel you (Infecting me)
I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I know you're there (Infecting me)

I won't be your sickly little host anymore
I won't let you have my mind
I won't be your stupid little puppet anymore
This is me cutting all the strings

I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I feel you (Infecting me)
I can't see you (Inside of me)
But I know you're there (Infecting me)
I will find you (Inside of me)
And prevent you from (Infecting me)
I will find you (Inside of me)
I will find you infecting me
#2
It's a good start for a metal song i can get a hint or two out of it that your a slipknot fan if not sorry, but yea you got some good material in there you just gotta throw the more useless stuff out!
#3
Disease, you're a nasty plague
You're pestilence with arms and legs

I'll start by saying that those are perhaps the best two lines of the poem. I think if you introduced a rhyme scheme throughout the entire thing that it would convey much, much more emotion and be very much more grabbing. I really urge you to do that, I'd like to read/hear it. I really think that it would take this poem to new levels if you used a definite rhyme scheme.
Does anyone know the song that goes: ba ba bah, ba ba buh, bu ba bum, ba ba bah, ba bu buh, bu bu bum, bu ba bu bu bum baam?
#4
Quote by lambofgodfold
It's a good start for a metal song i can get a hint or two out of it that your a slipknot fan if not sorry, but yea you got some good material in there you just gotta throw the more useless stuff out!



yeah, i am a slipknot fan and what do you mean by the more useless stuff? can i get some examples?