#1
inspired by the writing of Charles Bukowski, and the annoying people who surround me most days.

It is sung powerfully to a folky riff.

Cold Day


Flies around my head,
Buzzing to the stench of fear.
Girls with tiny skirts,
Dreaming through the day

Walls crumbling
The dust caught in my throat.
Look from side to side
And run like you just don’t see.

Waiting for a reply,
He sits down alone.
Picks up his collar,
Hiding from the taunting crowd.

Harsh notes strummed out,
Pity is not needed here.

He sits with
All his belongings gathered round.
Happy with company,
Happy with the silence of the day.

Face to the asphalt,
No longer having to think
About his faults
And the numbing split of hemispheres.
"They credited us with the birth of that sort of heavy metal thing. Well, if that's the case, there should be an immediate abortion." - Ginger Baker

Quote by alexlemon2
I've been here long enough, and nobody knows who teh fudge I am


I cry at night
#3
^because I'm not reffering to me when I say 'he' but I am when I say 'me'...
"They credited us with the birth of that sort of heavy metal thing. Well, if that's the case, there should be an immediate abortion." - Ginger Baker

Quote by alexlemon2
I've been here long enough, and nobody knows who teh fudge I am


I cry at night
#4
and who is he? it's kinda a direct switch.
sorry.
just go with the flow and erode the human soul

against gravity is the best punkband in the world
#5
Tbh, I don't have much to say about this. It's fairly simple, but the lines seem to flow well. Perhaps a little bit of rhyming would be no bad thing. Still, no rhymes is better than forced rhymes and I'm not really clued up enough on folk to give you any real stylistic advice.
What I can say is that I can imagine this being played as a song, and the image of someone doing just that, with his belongings around him, at the end of the song is great.
Good piece.
I know this was a pretty crap crit but, if you could crit back, it's 'A City Howl'. Ta
Super Leeds and Classy Cas!
#6
A character... Give him a name if you like. Songs do leave things up to the interpretation of the audience and don't need to spell everything out.

If you like, we can say I'm breaking generic conventions by making that 'direct switch' with no explanation, so we can call the song arthouse.

EDIT: That's to Kotspis
"They credited us with the birth of that sort of heavy metal thing. Well, if that's the case, there should be an immediate abortion." - Ginger Baker

Quote by alexlemon2
I've been here long enough, and nobody knows who teh fudge I am


I cry at night
#8
^thanks a lot! It's nice to hear that. Got any of your own songs posted up?
"They credited us with the birth of that sort of heavy metal thing. Well, if that's the case, there should be an immediate abortion." - Ginger Baker

Quote by alexlemon2
I've been here long enough, and nobody knows who teh fudge I am


I cry at night