#1
This is something I got my whole band working on the song comes across pretty good, I just want some more opinions than myself and the band. Let us know.

Verse1:
I've been trying so hard,to get you off my mind
Memories I lost, now I slowly find
Realizing, Hypnotizing, these thoughts in my head
Contemplating, Still Waiting, avoiding this feeling of dread

Pre-Chorus:
Darkness on the rise
Don't close your eyes

Chorus:
I'm slipping under
The waves are crashing all around me
And I start to wonder
If this is the way, this is the way it should be
If this is the way, this is the way it should

Verse2:
Be yourself recognize your flaws
Keep your emotions locked within these walls
Misused, Confused, not knowing which way to turn
Irritated, Infuriated, with a rage so heavy it burns

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Bridge:
Bear my soul, I'm losing control
These feelings have capsized my heart
Looking for closure, I hold my composure
The fear inside is tearing me apart
The fear inside is tearing me apart

Chorus

The audio is at myspace.com/stairwellnc. More than welcome to any responses good or bad.
#2
Quote by hime16_2000
This is something I got my whole band working on the song comes across pretty good, I just want some more opinions than myself and the band. Let us know.

Verse1:
I've been trying so hard,to get you off my mind
Memories I lost, now I slowly find
Realizing, Hypnotizing, these thoughts in my head
Contemplating, Still Waiting, avoiding this feeling of dread
That's a good start, I like how the ryming speeds up at the end

Pre-Chorus:
Darkness on the rise
Don't close your eyes
Yep

Chorus:
I'm slipping under
The waves are crashing all around me
And I start to wonder
If this is the way, this is the way it should be
If this is the way, this is the way it should
There's not much special about this IMO, but it's sufficient

Verse2:
Be yourself recognize your flaws
Keep your emotions locked within these walls
Misused, Confused, not knowing which way to turn
Irritated, Infuriated, with a rage so heavy it burns
doors would ryme better with flaws. I like the way this starts with the 'be' from the chorus. Same ryme pattern as verse 1 so that's good

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Bridge:
Bear my soul, I'm losing control
These feelings have capsized my heart
Looking for closure, I hold my composure
The fear inside is tearing me apart
The fear inside is tearing me apart
That works well as a buid-up before the final chorus

Chorus

It's good

The audio is at myspace.com/stairwellnc. More than welcome to any responses good or bad.


I'd really appreciate it if you could look at mine.
I can't get the link to work, but it's further down the page called "Finding My Feet"
Thanks.
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