#1
One More Dance (not sure if I like it but o well)

Ok so...This is my very first attempt ever at writing a song, and really my first try at writing anything lol
stick with me plz. crit for crit =)

Verse
Aba (b or c I can’’t tell)

He gets to there at a quarter to eight
Is that her dancing with all his friends
How could he show her why he was so late
Maybe she won’t even notice again


Chorus

(But he needs) One more dance to take her hand.
Why can’t she stop and see he’ll be her man.
(but she needs) One more chance to make him hers.
Why can’t he tell she’ is his biggest fan


Verse

One dance? The irony pulls at her mind
It feels as though everyone but him
Has asked her, this life is so unfair
She would do anything to hear it form him

Chorus

Bridge

One more dance
One more chance
One more dance
One more chance

Solo

Verse (a happy one in which the misunderstanding is cleared up and stuff i can't write it yet though)

Double altered Chorus outro thing

(But he needs) One more dance to take her hand.
Why can’t she stop and see he’ll be her man.
(but she needs) One more chance to make him hers.
Why can’t he tell she’ is his biggest fan

(and he got) one more dance to tack her hand
she finally stopped to and saw he was her man
(and she got) one more chance and made him hers
at last he saw she is his biggest fan.


The story i am going for is a abotu ta boy who shows up for a party/dance late and is wodnering if the girl he likes minds.cares at all. He is then dismayed to see herdancing around with other guys.
butt hen the the chorus it turns out she likes him to but hey are both afraid to say anything. The 2nd verse is her side of the story and verse three will be about them talking and it all clearing up...

did I get the idea across witht eh lyrics? I kinda like my idea but really don't knwo how to write..

Thanks Much!!!!

crit for crit! =)
#2
Quote by DiedLaughing666
One More Dance (not sure if I like it but o well)

Ok so...This is my very first attempt ever at writing a song, and really my first try at writing anything lol
stick with me plz. crit for crit =)

Verse
Aba (b or c I can’’t tell)
What's that all about?

He gets to there at a quarter to eight
Is that her dancing with all his friends
How could he show her why he was so late
Maybe she won’t even notice again
"to there" sounds a little clumsy. It's clear, but I don't know, you tend to make MORE of an entrance when you're late so...

Chorus

(But he needs) One more dance to take her hand.
Why can’t she stop and see he’ll be her man.
(but she needs) One more chance to make him hers.
Why can’t he tell she’ is his biggest fan
Not bad

Verse

One dance? The irony pulls at her mind
It feels as though everyone but him
Has asked her, this life is so unfair
She would do anything to hear it form him
The idea of the other point of view is good

Chorus

Bridge

One more dance
One more chance
One more dance
One more chance
Not sure about that. It's a really over-used ryme

Solo

Verse (a happy one in which the misunderstanding is cleared up and stuff i can't write it yet though)
good

Double altered Chorus outro thing

(But he needs) One more dance to take her hand.
Why can’t she stop and see he’ll be her man.
(but she needs) One more chance to make him hers.
Why can’t he tell she’ is his biggest fan

(and he got) one more dance to tack her hand
she finally stopped to and saw he was her man
(and she got) one more chance and made him hers
at last he saw she is his biggest fan.
righto


The story i am going for is a abotu ta boy who shows up for a party/dance late and is wodnering if the girl he likes minds.cares at all. He is then dismayed to see herdancing around with other guys.
butt hen the the chorus it turns out she likes him to but hey are both afraid to say anything. The 2nd verse is her side of the story and verse three will be about them talking and it all clearing up...

did I get the idea across witht eh lyrics? I kinda like my idea but really don't knwo how to write..

Thanks Much!!!!

crit for crit! =)



OK, it's a bit clumsy at times but you've done well with the structure of the song and it's your first try so for that it's pretty good.
Keep it up.
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